Oh Michelle, honey! I feel so bad for you! I know you have wanted this so bad. I hope you have lots of support around you. Have they done the tests before to try to find out why it has been so hard for you? I hope you are feeling alright. My one most important thing to say - God has a plan, do not blame Him, do not blame yourself, know that He has made you perfect for His purposes - not to be preaching, but to encourage you - to try at least. You will be in my prayers. Min