Hi Everyone,
I just wrote and deleted a long note about being panicked and why me, and why can't I get over this, my usual rant. I think you've all heard it from me enough though. I'm at the house I grew up in, in the second hour of an ibs/panic episode. I think I'm much more anxious and panicky after my car accident this week. So, here are some things I"m noticing in myself and wondering about. (While still feeling like crap, I'm trying to keep my mind off of it).
1. My anxiety isn't affected by the cramps going away. Tonight my gut is finally easing after hyosciamine, heat pack and hot tea. Still I feel equally miserable/panicked that it will be back and worse. Once the anxiety revs up I think its maybe harder to calm than my stomach. Maybe I should be taking a xanax instead of hyosciamine. I have them but never use them. I think I will take one tonight before bed.
2. When I'm stressed or anxious, I have fleeting "you're going to get sick tonight" thoughts all day long. I don't know how to stop them or quiet them. Its kind of like OCD except I'm not counting or washing or whatever, just "sicking"
3. When I'm like this, I have no real discernment of how bad my stomach feels. Just "miserable" or fine. So when I"m very anxious a little stomach ache, in my mind I'm envisioning the beginnings of food poisoning and another trip to the ER after 24 hours of what I consider the worst kind of illness possible.
4. It seems worse to call my wife over for some comforting. When she comes I tend to cry, act more panicked, hyperventilate. I do that less without her with me. Why is that? Am I putting on a show for her? B/C she's less than impressed, and its not helping my marriage any. Tonight I didn't ask her to come in, and I didn't get (YET) to that crying hyperventilating panic attack.
I've done so much talk therapy, emdr, acupuncture, AD's, A.A's, feldenkrais, hypnosis cds, Alexander, tai chi, more and more. Not sure where to go from here.
3 things on my mind are Cog. Beh. Therapy, Hypnotherapy in person not cd, and starting to smoke pot  Pot would be easiest to fit into my busy schedule! Any votes? Suggestions?
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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panic panic blah blah blah an attempt not to post the same old sh&*
