Oh boy, Steph! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much right now.
I just wanted to say I agree with what Alicia said about your mom and aunt arguing. When my grandfather passed away last summer, there were quite a few arguments like this among my aunts and uncles and mother. Your family sounds a lot like mine. There were just so many emotions, strong emotions to go along with strong personalities. Either that or people just walking around like zombies, shocked and sad, but unable to let out their emotions and, of course, this would annoy the other siblings who were very vocal about their feelings. (I don't know if you're seeing this with your family members?)
Anyway, I soon realized it was just their way of dealing with the grief of losing their father. Everyone of them (5 aunts and uncles)had a different reaction. But after the funeral, once they had some closure and some time to themselves, they got along again and were able to grieve together.
So, just do what you need to do for yourself. If your mom needs to vent about her sister, you can listen and be there for her, but don't hold on to those feelings. When my mom would tell me about the drama, I would tell my bf or email a friend about - in a way, restating it gave me distance from it and let me see that it wasn't something I could fix or something that I should even be dealing with. It was their temporary, immediate reactions to the sadness and stress of losing an important figure in our family.
I'm sending you huge hugs. Don't forget to allow yourself to grieve. If you can't make it to work because you're sick or because you need to be there for your family, don't worry about that right now. It will all work out. Please take care of yourself.
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