Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Wasn't going to post this but, here goes...

OK...I wasn't going to post because I'm not sure how everyone will take this advice, but I'm going to do it anyway, just to provide a slightly different perspective from what's already been given. I certainly don't mean to say that what other's have said so far is wrong - just to give my perspective.

So, like Michelle did, that's my disclaimer at the top of my post for anyone who might be offended

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to other people while you are in a serious committed relationship - I don't think it's a sign of underlying issues or some problem or your relationship. I think it's totally natural, and to tell yourself that there's something "wrong" with yourself because you're attracted to other people is, in my opinion, harmful to yourself. It's not as if we have a limited amount of love (or sexual expression) to give in this world - I don't think that by having a friendship or sexual type relationship with another person in anyway lessens or damages your primary relationship.

But I'm not condoning affairs here because I can't condone deceit and lies and dishonesty with someone who you're supposed to love and cherish. I'll just tell you about my life I guess, to give you an idea of where I'm coming from - I've been a long-term (probably forever) loving, relationship with my partner for almost 3 years now, but both of us occasionally have other sexual partners as well. We are completely honest and trusting with one another about everything we do and take great pains to make sure that we are both comfortable with everything that goes on. Obviously this is not for everyone, but it works very well for us. In no way does our extra-relationship sexual activity lessen our love or attraction to one another - in fact, I think it intensifies it. That might be hard to understand, I know. I just see so many great relationships end because people cheat - because they are attracted to other people but can't find a way to integrate that in an open, honest and truthful way with their other partner. (Again, I'm not advocating this kind of lifestyle for everyone! Just saying what works for me and my partner.)

I'm not saying that this is the path that you should chose... i.e. that you shoudl propose to your husband that you start a polyamorous relationship or something. However, if you do want to have this affair, the only ethical way *I* could conceive of doing it - issues of losing your doctor aside here - would be if no one was being lied to - so, everyone involved, including your husband and your doctor's wife. If everyone was fine with it, from my point of view, then it would be totally ethical, acceptable, and probably very healthy. For me, there is nothing wrong with sexual expression, including sexual expression outside your primary relationship (provided of course that no one is being lied to).

Anyway, that's just my 2-cents/my justification of my way of life and of sexual expression - it's not necessarily evidence of some problem I have or a flaw in my relationship etc. Basically, I just wanted to say that I don't think that you should feel made to feel bad about yourself or that you should think that you're not committed enough to your husband or that this is evidence of underlying problems in you or your marriage... simply because you are *attracted* to this proposition/this man. Obviously, you do have some major ethical considerations here regarding honesty with your husband (and your doctor's wife), though, and regarding what you ultimately decide to do in this specific situation.

Anyway, I hope that is at least in some way helpful or enlightening... or at least providing of another perspective. And again, please feel free to totally disregard it as advice

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