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Important medical news ....
      09/16/05 07:27 AM
AmandaPanda, J.D.

Reged: 04/26/04
Posts: 1490
Loc: New York, New York

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Important Medical News . .

By Gene Weingarten









http://www.JewishWorldReview.com ' I am right now on the phone, on hold, waiting to talk to Dr. Johannes Aas, a prominent gastroenterologist from Duluth, Minn. Dr. Aas has been paged. I am calling him because I have just received a copy of a medical paper he has written, and as a serious journalist I consider it my duty to bring this matter to the attention of the public.


Dr. Aas is a busy man, and this is taking a while, so I'll use the time to warn you that if you are currently having breakfast, or contemplating having breakfast, or ever plan on eating again, you might wish to skip over the remainder of this column. Ah, here we go.


Dr. Aas: Hello?


Me: Doctor, I would like to publicize the excellent, pioneering work you have done with an alternative treatment for cases of Clostridium difficile colitis that prove resistant to more conventional treatment with metronidazole or vancomycin.


Dr. Aas: Okay.


Me: I want to make it clear that I am interested in this as a serious medical issue and that it would be impossible for me to write about this — indeed, this column would not be published — if I failed to treat it in a dignified and responsible fashion.


Dr. Aas: Okay.


Me: Could you explain for my readers what this new treatment consists of?


Dr. Aas: You mean why we have chosen this method?


Me: Sure. However you like.


Dr. Aas: Stool is an organ.


Me: Excuse me?


Dr. Aas: It is normally considered waste product, but it is in a way an independent organ, like the kidney, and it contains thousands of different bacteria living in symbiosis. These bacteria are needed for normal health. When you use some antibiotics, some of this bacteria population gets destroyed. If you later get infected with Clostridium difficile colitis, there is this competitive battlefield in the colon, and without the necessary bacteria, Clostridium has the upper hand. So what we do is take normal stool from a normal person, make an extract of it, put it in a blender with water, take two tablespoons of that cocktail, and introduce it into the patient's body.


Me: It is, in effect, a human poop transplant?


Dr. Aas: Yes. To replace the normal colonic flora.


Me: That's a nice word!


Dr. Aas: Okay.


Me: And how is this transplant done?


Dr. Aas: Through a tube down into the patient's stomach. A naso-gastric tube.


Me: It goes in through the nose?


Dr. Aas: Or the mouth, yes.


Me: Okay!


Dr. Aas: Yes.


Me: Can't it go in the other end?


Dr. Aas: There is a doctor in Australia who does it that way, but sometimes the small intestine is infected, too, so it is more effective this way.


Me: In this particular organ transplant, who are the donors?


Dr. Aas: Most of the time, a loved one.


Me: I can imagine.


Dr. Aas: Yes.


Me: And this works as a cure because the microbes remain in the colon?


Dr. Aas: Yes.


Me: It is the gift that keeps on giving!


Dr. Aas: We've been doing it for 10 years without a single failure.


Me: Doctor, on behalf of my readers, I need to ask you, am I making you up?


Dr. Aas: No.


Me: You exist, and I am talking to you?


Dr. Aas: Yes.


Me: How do you pronounce your name?


Dr. Aas: Oze. I am Danish.


Me: Okay. You understand why I am calling you, right?


Dr. Aas: Oh yes. You wouldn't believe the [flora] I have taken from colleagues since publishing that paper.


Me: Yes, I would. Well, I want to thank you for taking the time to speak to me today. As far as I am concerned, if this column saves just one life, if it eases the burden of one victim, then my work here will have been vindicated.


Dr. Aas: Good!



--------------------
Amanda

I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin

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Entire thread
* Important medical news ....
AmandaPanda, J.D.
09/16/05 07:27 AM
* Re: Important medical news ....
JLL24
09/17/05 09:06 AM
* Uh, doesn't this guy write a HUMOR column?
Nelly
09/16/05 12:14 PM
* It is pretty funny the Dr's name is Dr Aas!!
_Willow
09/16/05 09:06 PM
* ohhhh keeeh!
_Willow
09/16/05 12:02 PM
* It gives a whole new meaning to...
poochibelly
09/16/05 12:09 PM
* Clostridium difficile is not imaginary and can be deadly!
bamagirl
09/16/05 08:19 AM
* Re: Important medical news ....
Sara-Sage
09/16/05 07:55 AM
* I tend to be soooo gullible...
poochibelly
09/16/05 07:54 AM

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