Beth! You might feel alone, but you're not alone. We're all here, I'm here. I'm thinking of you. I wish I knew how to help you, how to relieve your pain and soothe your spirit. I wish I could visit you and bring you something safe to eat and listen to you vent.
Have you thought about going to the ER? If there isn't anyone to take you or you can't drive yourself, can you call a taxi? You sound desperate and scared to me and I don't like thinking of you all alone with those thoughts.