I'm sorry you feel like you're having to go through this alone. You shouldn't have to. Your psychiatrist (or her staff) should be more help to you during this difficult time. I don't understand why they are not returning your phone calls. This is unacceptable!
Since your therapist is out of town, I would call the doctor's office and demand to either talk to (or see) the doctor or nurse. Tell them it's an emergency! Explain to them exactly what you said to us---that you are experiencing rapid cycling and that suicidal thoughts are coming and going! Tell them you feel like you must see or talk to them----or you're going to the ER.
They can work you in (for an appointment)---or at least call you. Do not take NO for an answer.
You did a beautiful job of expressing to us how you are feeling. I'm wondering if you are this open with the doctor's office. She cannot help you if you don't give her enough information. Please promise me that you will explain to her IN DETAIL exactly what's going on, so you can get the help you need.
I don't know how to answer the question of whether or not you should go to the hospital. That will be up to you. If you feel you cannot stay at the house by yourself, if you feel you cannot go on alone, or if you feel you want to take your own life, those are warning signs!
I'm hoping Alicia will answer you soon. She may have more insight into this than I do. I've only gone to the hospital once---and I didn't even have the physical strength to drive myself there. A wonderful neighbor and friend insisted, took me, and I am thankful for that. (I was not admitted. Just given an evaluation and an appointment to see a doctor the following day.)
Hang in there! You will get better! You just need some assistance to get you through this difficult period.
Are you taking the Klonopin? It doesn't make me sleepy, but it does calm me in times of extreme stress.
Let us know what the doctor's office says. Be firm!!! Tell them it's an emergency and you must speak to or see someone today. If your doctor's not available, if there are multiple doctors in this practice, maybe they can get you into see someone else???
(((HUGS))))
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Ruchie
