My dearest Rachel, you will FEEL that balance. It will happen for you. It just takes time. Try the journal. There are no rules. Take it any way you want to. There is NOTHING wrong with what you write - nothing whatsoever. The beauty of it is that you don't have to share it with anyone - but it can immensely help you understand your own feelings. I understand your darkness. You WILL feel better again. My answer was the meds, and a wonderful husband. I know how you feel about meds, but I would encourage you to consider it. If you feel they don't help, you can always discontinue them. I feel the meds are helping. Both my father and best friend said I've been better than I have been in months. It's all due to the meds. The meds can give you a FOUNDATION that you can use to heal. They're not the total answer. God knows - you can't pop a pill and solve everything. But they can help. You WILL get better. I'm here for you - every SECOND of the way. I love you. Alicia.
-------------------- Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.