Funny website ...
07/28/05 11:46 AM
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As most of you know I'm a total church-going religious fanatic. I'm Orthodox Christian, and there is a really funny satirical website by and about us called The Onion Dome (the shape of most of our churches). www.theoniondome.com . Anyway, on Wednesdays and Fridays all year round, and on every day through Lent and 3 other major fasts, we avoid meat, dairy, wine, olive oil, and fish with bones (shellfish is okay). As you can imagine, this means that more than half the year, my family and my whole community are basically on the IBS diet with me, which makes things nice. Also means we have a ton of safe recipes that I regularly use. Anyway this has a Q & A thing with a fictional priest, who is supposed to be like these old-school hard Russian priests, who are always telling us that we are not trying hard enough, etc. (Were there pews in 19th century Russia? No!). So I was screwing around there just now because I refuse to work hard on my bday, and I saw the funniest thing. I know you guys will appreciate it:
Dear Fr Vasiliy,
I have found this wonderful new margarine that contains no trans-fats or dairy products. The only problem is, the list of ingredients says it may contain one or more of the following oils, and olive oil is on the list. Since I don't know for sure if olive oil is in the particular tub of margarine I buy at the supermarket, is it okay to eat during Lent?
Signed,
Oleo Eater in Olympia
Dear Olympia,
I am not believing I have to answer this question so many times! Is outrage! Okay, once more and I type slowly so you can understand:
What is this margarine? Is fake butter! If it fakes taste buds, it will fake guardian angels, who will not stand up for you at "Do Not Eat Butter During Lent" tollbooth (#721) when you are leaving this life.
Is not nice to fool Mother Nature, and is not nice to fool guardian angels. If you cannot eat toast dry, eat something else. Dried apricots have lots of soluble fibre. Eat those.
Signed,
Father Vasiliy
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Dear Father Vasiliy,
Is it okay to eat dark chocolate — the kind without any dairy at all — during Lent?
Signed,
Craving in Crossroads
Dear Crossroads,
Only if you are not enjoying it.
Signed,
Father Vasiliy
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Dear Father Vasiliy,
Is it okay to eat soy milk on my breakfast cereal during Lent? Will this fool my guardian angels?
Signed,
Soyful in Saskatoon
Dear Saskatoon,
Eat all of this soy milk that you are wanting. Soy milk not fool anybody.
Signed,
Father Vasiliy
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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