Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

So Adrian came back, and everything just exploded. I got mad, he got REALLY mad, I shouted, he shouted, it was awful!! It was so so awful!
He got really upset and told me not to upset him. He gets really really angry if he starts to get emotional, and embarassed. I told him he shouldn't just run away from me just because he was getting upset.
He told me I had to leave him alone, and I said no. I am so tired of him just deciding when a conversation is over because he doesn't want to have to get "involved". I was in front of the doorway, he told me not to try and keep him in the room. He pushed me against the wall and I fell on my bedside table. I know he wasn't trying to hurt me, but I just couldn't stop sobbing. I banged on the bathroom door and told him he had no right to hurt me, even if it wasn't on purpose, and called him a bad name and told him to get out.
He came in the room, and asked me what I wanted him to do (ie where to go, when to come back?). I told him I wanted an apology for pushing me, he says he didn't push me. He did apologise, though.

Anyway, I sobbed for ages and he kept crying and eventually said he needed time to take a shower and some time to calm down, but he wouldn't make any decisions while he was this upset. I said what decisisions?
He said he needs to decide if he wants to 1) Stay in Canada 2) Stay with me. He says that being in Canada is really hard, and that being with me is really hard and that he doesn't think he can do both at the same time.
How the hell did I get here?? What have I done to lose every single good thing that comes my way?
I can't stop crying, I was crying so hard while we were talking that I threw up.
How can he leave me now??
I am so scared, I am so upset, I feel like laughing.
I won't survive without Adrian. Full stop. I told him I wouldn't want to keep living if more stuff goes wrong, and he said that was a 'silly thing to say' but I couldn't mean it more.
I started thinking how I would do it if he did leave me. I just need something good, and he is my only good left.
How can he just leave me?
He says he loves me, but then why would he go?
I keep trying to tell him and myself that I am a nice girl, and a good person but I'm not. I can't do anything right, he says I am not supportive, he says I am mean.
I swear when I replay it in my head, it wasn't mean. I feel like I give all the support I have... what else can I do??
I guess maybe all this that has happened is just god or whatever telling me that I don't deserve happiness in any form, and I should just give up.
I can't believe this is all happening. I really don't know what to do with myself.
--Steph

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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.

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