Quite often, past trauma WIRES you differently and believe it or not--it's up to you--neuro-chemical reactions that are no big deal for someone untraumatized are warped. Something in your neurochemistry gets "misunderstood" or "lost" and well...AD's can help ease the flow and balance out your neurochemistry.
Do you want to run around in circles, repeating the same negative programming over and over and over again. Note: because of your trauma, people took control of you and manipulated you for their selfish and evil purposes. YOU NEED CONTROL OF YOU BACK. YOU NEED TO BE THE BOSS OF YOU. An AD, if you decide it's appropriate, can be an assistant--a "foreign aid" figuratively speaking. Do you want power over your life and your destiny so that you may manifest your best self and your goals/dreams/desires with G-d?
I'm going to shut up. Taking an AD does not make you weak. It is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength to accept HELP in it's myriad forms/personifications. An AD, also is not the only part of the healing equation. It's just a co-factor.
Now, I'm really going to shut up. I don't want to sound too biased or bossy. It just hurts to see you in so much pain and witness you running about in circles in the dark. Progress, movement, positive change...this is what I wish you. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS!!!