Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | consoling myself with the cheesecake brownies ...

I know it's been a while since I started a thread but I just need to whine. I am in the middle of the awful interview process to try to secure a summer associate position at a law firm for next summer. It's hell. I had 3 interviews last week, two more coming up this week. I've gotten responses from the first 2 interviews and they were both rejections. I know the firms are really selective, and I know that there are a million firms in NYC and that I'm bound to get hired by someone, but this just sucks. And of course every time I think about it, it's straight to the john for me. No D so far, but lots of urgency and not quite normal BMs, if you know what I mean. At least no pain so far. I'm trying to relax by crocheting and cooking (ie, the chocolate cheesecake brownies, Heather's recipe), but you know, I just have that awful lump in my throat. The long-distance bf gave me a tired "sorry babe" over the phone, and then said something male like, "it's good for you to face your fear of rejection. I think this is going to be good for you." UGH!!! Just say that you're sorry adn that you love me! What is with men and trying to point out the non-existent bright side? It just makes me feel stupid for getting upset -- like it minimizes the fact that job interviews and rejections are totally horrible and stressful. If he were here, if he lived here, he wouldn't have to come up with anything clever to say. He could just give me a hug and try to make me laugh. I am getting so lonely now that I am back in NYC, seeing all my siblings with their spouses, seeing all my friends with their boyfriends ... I just want a partner. I am getting so sick of doing everything on my own. I know I've already lived here for a year by myself, and I know that with my friends and family I am not really "alone," but we all know there is a difference. We all got together at my brother's place yesterday, and when it was time to go home, he and his wife went to bed in their house, my other brother and his wife went home to their house together, my parents went home together, and I rode back to the city alone. Enough of this already. I'm sorry to be whining so much but i just need to let it out. I know he is working hard over there and I know it is best for his career, and I know he is trying to build a future for us, for a life together .... I keep telling myself that a couple more years is no big deal if we are really going to spend the rest of our lives together, but at the same time there is no ring on my finger so I still can't convince myself. I feel like I'm only happy now when I'm with my family or at church. My other friends just aren't cutting it anymore. The BF is going to be in NYC this weekend, before going to LA for a wedding, and I really miss him so I'm excited about that, but it also makes me nervous because I don't know when we'll see each other again after that. Booooooooo.
Ok time for the brownies. Please leave a little love, just don't tell me "it's not so bad ...."
Panda

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Amanda

I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin

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