Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: Need help from anyone with a bf or husband

i don't count here 'cause i don't have a boyfriend or a husband, but i'm going to write anyway! i used to date a lot (in a dry spell now.... how sad!

), so i know what you're talking about.

first of all, if a guy has a problem with my having IBS, then he's going to get kicked to the curb and i won't mind doing it. if this dude has a problem with that, then he's going to be a loser long-term. what if we were to be together for a while and i (god forbid) got cancer or something? this dude freaked over some diarrhea... he is not going to be a support to me in a major time of crisis! so... SEE YA!

if the issue comes up early on, i will mention to the guy that i have "food issues." i keep it vague. why? frankly, on a first or second or third date, the words "diarrhea" and "constipation" aren't really considered terrible romantic. try explaining IBS without using those words!

so i keep it vague.

if the guy i'm dating wants to eat out, that's fine. great, actually, 'cause i'm a real foodie! there's got to be SOMETHING i can eat just about anywhere. besides, we're lucky. as the girls, we often get asked our input, so you can steer him towards places that are ok for you! (see how devious i am!?)

as for the cheesecake and fast food guy--- if he's doing a run for the border or tripping into the golden arches, he can afford to swing by a Subway to get you something YOU can eat! (PS: fast food is SO not date food!) and if you want to cook the dude a cheescake, this one is great and he'll never know it's not "a real cheesecake!"

let me tell you something that another woman told me. i thought it was bogus when she said it, but have since learned she was right. ready for it!?

YOU are the prize.

sounds dumb, but when dating, women often feel that they must conform to something the guy wants or will accept. guess what, they have to impress you, too. if you have a health concern and he's a turd about it (pardon the pun), then he's not worth your time.

i dated a lovely man and on our very first date the IBS thing came up. i had told him "i have some food issues" and he asked for more details (most guys don't). i won't lie or hide things (again, i'm not embarrassed to have a health problem!), so i sketched it out for him ("some things i eat can make me sick, so i have to be really careful.") that was all i said, but that was enough. let me tell you, he bent over backwards to make sure every restaurant we went to was "ok for my stomach" and that i was comfortable. in fact, he almost didn't let me have wine one night 'cause he was so concerned about me! i actually had to argue to get a glass of wine! but he was so solicitous and lovely about it. it was a great experience and reminded me that people are better than we give them credit for being. now why did i let that one get away......? i'm trying to remember!

anyway, so many people these days eat all kinds of weird ways. Atkins people, South Beach people... it's nuts! people hardly blink anymore when you say "i eat a low-fat diet and avoid dairy."

hope some of this helps.

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