Actually, I had this problem even worse when I was first diagnosed with IBS. Its really difficult and confusing when you're first diagnosed.
For me, its a more subtle process. I am an extremely pensive person, so my mind is churning a lot. When I think about the state of my IBS, I tend to feel at the same time, if that makes any sense. So I'm thinking of it going bad, I feel it, as well. I think ideally it would be best to make smart choices when it comes time to eat, then forget that I even have IBS the rest of the day. About a year ago, my pediatrician (who also had IBS) old me something like "IBS is a problem for a lot of thinkers like us". Since then, I've tracked the origins of my IBS to a bout of colitis caused by C. dificile a while back, which I'm almost certain set all of it into motion. Now, having taken a lot of physical measures, I really have to put in work to getting my mind in the right place
Some people say that since IBS is a functional disorder, the brain-gut connection is what causes most of the problems. I have trouble understanding that, since so many tangible issues are intimately connected as well (diet, exercise, sleep, food allergies, etc). I think that these environmental issues can make a person sensitive to disruption, and the mindset is what triggers it.
Anyway, I hope you're able to help your daughter cope with her IBS. I think it would be helpful if you tried to get her to verbalize her feelings (but in a gentle way- don't force her to talk). Thats one of the reasons I use this forum; I can get my thoughts straight since I don't talk about this to anyone in real life
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