I'm not going to consume food and drink that i know i can't handle but i'm going to try to remember that just because a food or drink is problematic for one person doesn't mean that it's the same for me. My problem is that i think that because someone can't tolerate it then it means that i can't, but this isn't always the case. I think in some cases we know our own bodies and how they react to things and it's important to go with what our bodies are telling us- this is what i'm not very good at. So, i think i can handle one cup of coffee a day if i don't get anxious and guilty about it as i've been fine with this before. I don't know if i'm making much sense. But i read that with food intolerances (which is what i believe is a main cause of my IBS as well as anxiety) the body can handle a certain amount of a suspected intolerance so it's about figuring out how much your body can handle.
Like you i've been getting so depressed about what i can and can't have that i think it's making everything worse, and is especially making my anxiety worse. I've been also feeling like my whole life revolves around my IBS- so much so that i've forgotten what i enjoy and how to enjoy life. And since i can control the bloating, nausea and pain by not eating wheat and dairy (apart from a glug of milk in my coffee), and minimising sugar then i can put up with occasional constipation that is caused by my enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning (this is my only cheat). When i try to cut out wheat and all the other IBS triggers my will power becomes zero so that i just go overboard and chuck the whole diet restrictions in- which makes my IBS a million times worse than when i enjoy a morning cup of coffee.
Hope i've made sense. Loads will probably totally disagree with what i've written. I'm just going through a depressed phase because of the whole food stuff at the mo and feel that i really can't stick to all of the diet restrictions without getting evenmore depressed and obsessive/anxious.