I, too, have suffered from an ED for years. Was hospitalized a number of times. I know what it feels like to gain 30 pounds in one hospitalization stay. Very shocking once your out on your own. It will take a while, but eventually, you get more comfortable with your "new" body. Just keep trying to think of it as a "healthier" body...more capable of performing and being your "friend" rather than feeling heavy and viewing it as an enemy.
Very hard. ED are so difficult. Control your mind and play negative thoughts...twisting us up. ESPECIALLY when you suffer from IBS...with bloating and gas. This has been the most difficult thing for me to accept. It's hard to realize it is bloat and not fat. I am fighting this battle hourly.
You are not alone. Know that there are others of us struggling emotionally with these same demons. I have gained about 30 pounds too...and probably still need to gain more. It is so hard when I already feel bloated in my clothes from this IBS. I cry about it. I am tempted. But somehow, I have remained "stable" with my ED for over 2 years. At least in my actions. Now, my thinking has a long way to go with this one. I was used to having a flat tummy and having clothes fall off me. That made me feel safe. Now, I am barely able to keep my pants on long enough to get through work. I stare at my bloated belly and cry. I cry for the loss of time when I could have eaten anything I wanted.....but didn't because of the ED. Now, I can't because of the IBS.....and I am feeling so badly about my body. I know I am underweight...the scale doesn't lie. But I "feel" like my belly is growing throughout the day.
Keep posting.
Much love and hugs.  You're in a "club" that you don't really want to be in, aren't we?" Only someone who has had an ED can really understand.
BTW, did you know that laxatives cannot and do not stop the calories from being absorbed? That really helped me get off them. What was the point? They were like taking a placebo. Medically...they just dehydrate you....they do nothing to remove the calories.
Herbal tea has no calories....so it has taken the place of coffee for me. (A poor substitute for coffee though) 
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IBS-C with pain and bloat
Edited by Jordy (05/12/07 06:47 AM)
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