I'm a relative newbie here and already I don't know how I survived before I found Heather's diet and this site. Everyone here is sympathetic and helpful and the combined knowledge about IBS is way more than that of any doctor I've heard of.
Start on the soluble fibre foods and cut out the triggers and see how you do. Soluble fibre supplements also make a huge difference. Btw, IBS-c people sometimes have trouble cutting out all insoluble fibre, so keep this in mind. I'm IBS-d most of the time so this isn't a problem for me.
Getting into herbal teas is the second most important step. We all swear by them. Peppermint is supposed to be best, but don't take this if you get heartburn. I have Chamomile instead.
Have you tried heat pads for your tummy? When I get that pelvic pain, these seem to help the most. Or a hot bath!
Hope this helps! I'm sure you'll be coming back to the site - I can't stay away!
Btw, I've gots lots of sympathy for you re. problems with your other half and depression, as I've had both of these. They're really common with IBS-ers, but it helps to be able to talk on the boards. Talk more about this soon.