Nurse Barb
#79898 - 06/16/04 09:09 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Thanks, Barb. Actually, it was an incredible relief when she passed. Don went through hell, watching her slowly die. Like I said, it took 10 years. This disease is truly "The Long Good-Bye." The worst part, of course, was for most of those 10 years she didn't know who he was. I guess for her that was a blessing because she didn't know who SHE was either.
Don suffered something terrible over this. His mother was a WONDERFUL person; we both loved her dearly. She was my best friend, and we loved to sew together. I'd do the machine work, she'd do the hand work. And she REALLY could sew; you'd never even see the stitches.
Don went through hell over it, and even lost his faith. He was Catholic. He never regained it, claiming there is no forgiving God who would do that to such a wonderful person. I tried to get him to go talk to the priest, but he wouldn't. You don't want to hear what he said in response.
I'm very happy for your new job, Barb. You obviously really know your stuff, so you'll do well. The patients are lucky to have you.
Bev
P.S.: Dry washcloths while I sleep???
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I had this problem sometimes in the summer in pre-IBS days. In an unfortunate way, this may be one thing that actually go better after IBS. I used to have problems with it becuase of rubbing from bras when I would exercise. It never got real bad, but sometimes some reddness underneath. Either way, after my first full summer with IBS (about a year ago now) I lost 23 pounds in two months because I was completely unstable, couldn't eat and pooed it all out in D every time I tried to eat. Doesn't that sound like a pleasant picture! I ended up dropping three dress sizes and the boobs went from a 34 C to a 32 B - and let me tell you, size 32 B is about the hardest one to find in all the stores! Allong with the size 0 dresses that I wear now too. I'm more stable now and I've gained back some of the weight though - but somehow I can't get back the boobie part. Hubby still says they're perfect.  Makes me feel a bit better.
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Sweet Bev
#79989 - 06/16/04 12:08 PM
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BarbaraS
Reged: 02/12/03
Posts: 1939
Loc: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Dry washcloths while I sleep???
LOL  That is what we do for the residents.
I am really sorry to hear your husband has given up his faith. I use to ask the same question and after awhile I accepted things are not always fair. It all started when Adam and Eve ate the apple. 
I had a very hard childhood and have trusted that God has a purpose for allowing my parents to mistreat me. I have been able to share my story with people who come from a similar background and tell them how I overcame my pain. I have forgiven my parents without an apology. That took many years to forgive and it was not easy! Sometimes people rather live in the pain/past, because they don't know anything else and it is easier.
I really feel for your husband and you for losing a close relationship. My pastor talks about how God can use our pain to minister to other people. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man and I can see him using his experience to help other people.
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Sorry about your bout with IBS. But I sure wish I could lose some of that weight like you did. (Well, not EXACTLY like you did....)
Your hubby is a keeper! Oh yeah. Hold onto him.
Thanks for your post.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Do you still have a relationship with your parents?
I need to do some forgiving too, as you say "without apology," but I don't know if I want to. I mean, what's the point, if they'll never change and continue mistreating you? Isn't it just better to maintain the estrangement? Why subject yourself to more of the same? Life is too short to spend it with people who don't love you.
Am I wrong?
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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wrong. I have not seen my parents for 13 years, matter of fact they were not invited to my wedding almost 13 years ago.
I don't believe in the saying, "forgive and forget". That is another slap in the face and the Bible doesn't teach that. By forgiving my parents it relased my anger towards them and gave me power to say you can no longer hurt me nor control me.
My point is you can forgive without a relationship. If I still had a relationship with my parents they continue to hurt me and they hurt my children. Protecting my boys is more important than my parents. I think it is really sad my parents will never see my boys, but they made that decision by not wanting to change.
BTW I am meeting with a counselor today to work through issues from work. My self esteem is shot right now.
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Barbara, so glad you're seeing a counselor. I remember when low self esteem was a step UP for me! he he! My therapist is part of my support network now, and I finally have some self esteem. Good luck with it, sweetie!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Bev,
I am sorry you are going through all this stuff lately. I haven't had that problem but I have had a problem with soap sensativity and have to wash my undies in a very mild soap. I would try changing your detergent and fabric softener and see if that helps.
Good Luck!
Janey
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Janey
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Barbara is right. You can forgive in your heart and never go back to the people who caused you such pain. Finding forgiveness in your heart will bring YOU such peace, something that would definitely be a start to regaining some of your health.
It took me many years to forgive my dad, with God's help I am past the pain. I too have been through therapy, one of the best steps I have taken to move on in my life.
Finding forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, you never ever have to go back and visit the person who hurt you again !!! Ever !!!!
One thing I learned the first appointment I had with my therapist. She had me sit down and write a letter to my dad, let it all out and tell him exactly how I felt in my heart describing the pain, the pain, and the rest of the pain. You just keep writing until your hand is about to fall off, when you are finished keep it as long as you need to ( I think I kept mine a few hours). Tear it to shreds with your hands, no shredder, if your hands are able to tear through an inch in legal pad. Thats about how long my letter was. You show it to nobody, dispose of it, burn it if you want. It took years and years of incredible pain out of my heart. Amazing, if you have never done this, I encourage you to try it.
I am trying to encourage some type of relationsip with my dad, he seems to be interested only when it suits him and his schedule. I understand deep down in my heart why I bother, it just doesn't keep me from wondering why I am doing so.
love to you Bev, and Barbara. gayla
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