HUGE DECISION....advice needed please!(sorry to waffle)
#262093 - 05/07/06 12:26 PM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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Hey everyone,
I know a lot of you know I am a couple of weeks away from finishing my BA(Hons) Degree in Interior Design...well...you probably know all about the stress Ive been having with the major project and the fact that Ive struggled to keep up and have gotten behind a bit and then even more since feeling ill last week....and I have what seems to be an impossible amount of work to do and I AM NOT exagerating...then theres my flatmates preganncy that upset everything even more and my multiple hospital visits this year for gastroscopy/colonoscopy/bareum and how everything was getting on top of me last week and I had a major breakdown...
well...I ended up with a painful cyst which I think was stress related and I made a doctors appt for tomorrow to get a note for all my hopsital visits and to see about that so that I could ask my tutors for a possible extension and stop being so stubborn about it like I was being and to jst admit I should be allowed to get extra time...well....
I have been doing some major thinking these last few days and I have been contemplating defering this porject until next year....Im gona tell you my reasons for this and weigh up the pros and cons and see what you think....
Firstly...it would mean that I just redo this part of my degree which would just mean jan-may next year(5 months)which is nothing really for the sake of getting a good degree....the reason is I am no where near finishing and I know I cannot do what I am capable of doing in that time and that would mean missing the exhibition which is what my degree leads up to and what I have been building up to since I first started my degree.
One of the main reasons I think I cant do it is because I have lost confidence in my drawing and visual presentation techniques because I messed about so much in 2nd year and let myself get behind...too much play and not enough work...which was so out of character for me...but I think much needed cos I have worked hard my whole life. And so because of that I already felt at a disadvantage this year and have struggled to keep up....most people on my course are atleast a year older anyway cos they did a foundation course...so I was always at a disadvantage to start with in the first place. I am one of those people who likes to be ontop of things and works better when I am...when I get behind I panic and struggle to get back...and thats whats basically been happening since 2nd year.
The thing is I have racked up 15,000 pounds in student loans etc and I dont want to feel like that is money wasted...I wanted to come out of a degree feeling like I did my best and have got my moneys worth...my career is all based on a portfolio and right now I dont have one thats even half as good as it should be. So to me...5 extra months could be the difference between getting a good job and a not so good job in terms of the competition and architects firms who are likely to take me on.
I have a house here in leeds next year anyways and so I was already planning on staying here for longer so it doesnt upset that at all...it would mean I would have to get a crappy full time job from now till january to sort my finances out and pay bills, whilst at the same time developing my design skills, working on a portfolio and giving myself a head start on the major project so that I am more prepared to face it next time and could go in aiming high, with an advantage over most people in that year(who are currently the year below)
I just really dont want to try and rush everything now for the sake of getting a degree....at the end of the day I want to get the best degree I can and I know I am capable of so much more!!
The downsides are....it would mean not graduating till next yr and so missing out on being there with my classmates(altho some r defering too)
It will cost me 500+ quid in tuition fees and a possible 1000 pound extra loan, though if I work from now I cud help with the financial situation....but whats an extra 1500 debt on top of 15,000 in order to get the best possible start for my future??
It would also mean going thru the stress again...but I think it is my lack of preparation and numerous health visits which have affected that....I would make sure that I am more prepared and focused next time and I think that way I would enjoy it(like I was before I got behind) and treat it more as a challenge than a stress.
I dont know...what do u guys think...should I defer?? I know I can cos I have medical evidence...its just a case of knowing whats best for me...I am so tired and worn out right now...I need a break and I need a clear head to be able to do this the way I want....I really having been so down lately and people keep telling me its not worth getting this stressed out about...I know I set myself high standards...but I used to cope so well at school and I dont want to feel like I messed it all up at uni....defering seems the most sensible option and hopefully Ill end my degree next year feeling fulfilled in a way I just couldnt rite now....what do u think???
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 Natalie
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I think you've made your mind up already. ?
I'll drop you an email later as I've done this twice already and know how you feel. Sending lots of hugs cause you're having such a pants time at the moment!! xx
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http://ibsblondie13.blogspot.com/
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Thanks...
#262101 - 05/07/06 02:23 PM
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Natalie1985
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 1329
Loc: UK - Leeds for uni, Merseyside for home!
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yea I know...its like Im tryin to convince myself when I already have isnt it??? I keep going over and over with it to people and they tell me the same thing....I think I just want reassurance that its the best thing to do. 
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Natalie
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Defering sounds like a smart move to me. Your reasons are very good!
Maybe you could practice your drawing skills to (take an art class?) so they improve.
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Hi Nat,
Sorry life hasn't gotten any easier for you yet, hugs and more hugs.
I have to agree with Blondie, I think that you have already decided..anyway here's what I think.
I personally wouldn't do it, but it is a very personal thing.
The reasons that I wouldn't are:
-I would be worried about being just as stressed/exhausted etc next year, maybe even more so as having had to defer this year could really knock your confidence for next year too.
-will having a better degree defintely get you a better job/career or is it the perfectionist in you that you left behind last year when you were having fun? If not, what's the point in deferring and putting your life on hold for a year?
-I'd also worry about the "gap" in my CV and the explanation of that in interviews.
-when all your classmates graduate and get jobs or go on to do further study you might get upset and then start cutting yourself up that it should have been you and that you have made the wrong decision...
I usually survive on adrenalin and get through things like this somehow, but you really sound like you have hit rock bottom these last few weeks, so maybe for you it is the right thing to do.
Don't make any decisions on your own, Talk to the doctor, talk to your tutors, talk to a student mentor/counsellor, even someone in the Students Union (our college had a Welfare Officer there who was great) before making this big decision.
Hope this helps you, sorry if it wasn't what you wanted to hear.
Hugs and more and more hugs
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S.
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Hey Natalie,
Sorry you are going through such a rough time at the moment. I have read your other posts and it sounds like stress has really been piling up on top of you. I can totally understand your desire to put off your project until later.
I think it is a really big decision because it does mean a wait from now until next January and more money. The fewer loans you can have the better, obviously. I see so many people at work (I work for a bank) just get snowed under with loans, so I would DEF try to borrow as little more money as you possibly can.
A lot can happen between now and January, and I think there is a good chance that you might be more settled and ready to take on the project but there is also the chance that the longer you're away, the less "into it" you'll be. Going back to school after being away is often a lot harder than staying in school once you're already there, I have found.
I know that the situation with your roomie stressed you out, but I think that if you decide to stay on at school and get it done this year that you need to sort of try to seperate yourself from any drama just until you get your project done. Your friend will have to cope with the pregnancy and everything on her own to a degree anyway, and you can let someone else's problem affect your graduation! I don't mean to sound cold or anything, I def think you should be there for her and everything, but her needs should come AFTER yours when you are trying to get through school.
I think that if you know you CAN'T do the project, then defering is your only option.. but do you really think that you can't, or are you just feeling really down on yourself? I dropped out of courses because I got overwhelmed, panicked and quit and then really regretted it later.
I am just trying to play devil's advocat for you for staying in school, but I would totally understand if you deferred.
Just make sure you really consider all angles, and if you decide to defer than make sure you stay on top of it so that when January comes around, you are ready to go and you'll know you made the right decision!
Good luck, we'll be here for you no matter what you decide!
**hugs**
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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and thanks for making me see the other side like sinead...I think that is kinda what I was hoping some of you might do just so I cud get a more rounded perspective on things....Im still unsure whats best and I think like sinead said, its better that I talk to everyone(doctors, tutors etc) first before making any rash decisions. Thanks for the support!
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Natalie
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I think Sinead's advice to talk to those other people is great advice. Especially when things get a bit overwhelming and you get (or I get, anyway!) more prone to making impulsive decisions.
Let us know what you decide, I'll check in on your situation when I get back from holiday!
**hugs**
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I was expecting you to say those things...lol....I must know you too well by now...and I was hoping people would bring up the bad side of defering too...I agree to some extent on some things.....god this is so hard...I know its not a life or death situation and either way things will probably work out....but I duno....I just dont want to look back in the future with major regrets...i want to know Ive done the right thing! And I think you're right about the perfectionist thing...the thing with the exhibition is thatId always pictured that moment of my mum and dad and eveyrone coming and walking round and being all proud of my work etc...and it feels like im gona be robbed of that if I get extra time cos I wont get that. I also may end up graduating with people who I dont know! I duno, its so hard. I was always a perfectionist in school when it came to stuff like that....its the only reason i came out with straight A's and I suppose I dont want to feel like I ruined it all now when it counts most...and thats how i feel. I KNOW for a fact a better portfolio(which I am capable of doing) would get me a better job....design is a competative industry.....but then sometimes I think how long am I actually gona be able to hack it in an architects...I feel like Im gona end up teaching...Ive always said that. For the first time in my life I really dont know what to do....I am usually decisive with this sort of thing....my career plans were never a should i shouldnt I thing...I knew what I was gona do and what I had to do to get it so I did it. That was until I came to uni and let my hair down....I do feel bad that I havent worked the way I could have. I feel like ending it on such a bum note now will let my parents down but most of all myself. I want to feel that satisfied, proud feeling that I always thought I would and I dont think right now Im going to get that....they should have made me repeat my 2nd year really when I literally scraped through....I really wish I had!
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Natalie
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Natalie
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