Update: Things are not going well
#249177 - 02/28/06 01:45 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi everyone,
I just wanted to say thank you again for all the kind words of support after I posted about my grandpa's death. It is such a hard thing, and it is not easy even now after a few days.
Things have gone from bad to worse, and I honestly don't know how much more I can take.
My house is of course not the happiest place, and to make matters more uncomfortable my mom and my aunt got into some kind of fight. I missed the actual fight, but apparently my aunt got mad at my mom for being so controlling (which she is, I don't know why my aunt is suprised because she always takes over) and my mom has been freaking out about it and talking a lot about my aunt being mean to her.
I was feeling a little ill, but attributed it to stress and just tried to get lots of fluids and stuff but I guess it was too little too late and I have been super sick for 2 days now. Fever, coughing, headache, ear ache, blocked nose, lost voice... So finally today I went to the doctor, and turns out I have Bronchitis! (Marvelous). So I feel really terrible, and the doctor tells me I can't go to work. Well, I am on compassionate leave right now but am supposed to go in Thursday.. If I call in sick, I may lose my job because I've already had 6.5 sick days since I started and have had a meeting about it.
To make matters WORSE, I also have aunt flo right now so along with my cold, I have major bloating and cramping and some D. Once the antibiotics kick in, I expect the D may get miles worse.. even though the doc changed her mind on which one to prescribe me when I told her my concern so hopefully this one will be more gentle.
So my body is a complete wreck, my family is acting upset with me that I am sick because I'm always sick, I am a nervous wreck about calling in sick to work.. I am thinking about just trying to med myself up and go anyway. Adrian has been alright (he has been great about my grandpa) but everyone has no sympathy for me being so sick so I feel completely alone.
I can't sleep, my whole body is killing me... The memorial is tomorrow, I can't speak at it because I have no voice and am frankly in no emotional state to do so...
Argh!
I am so tired of being sad and in pain All The Time. It is making me crazy. I am starting to have very bad thoughts again and think I should be going back to a counsellor, but I can't afford it at the moment so I will have to explore other options because I am getting so depressed.
Any kind words, happy thoughts, prayers.. anything would be appreciated. I am honestly falling apart, with nobody to help me pick up the pieces.
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Wow... when it rains it really pours doesn't it? I would turn the lost voice into a positive since I don't say much anyway and can't stand public speaking. As far as the job goes, I'm sure they're not the only place that could use you as an employee. I usually say I'll go in for a few hours just to show them that I'm really sick, then wind up feeling good enough to make it the whole day. I would also take all the stored up anger out on something you've been meaning to do anyway. Like clean out the house (not easy when you're sick, but still possible to some extent) I've gotten rid of so much junk it makes my room/shed/workshop easier to live with. Blowing off a little steam doesn't hurt either, even if it makes other people uncomfortable. I guess I'm pretty warped since I can turn so many things around?
Hang in there.
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Hi Steph!
I really don't have much to say except I'm sorry on all accounts *hugs* Feel free to e-mail me...I know what it's like to be sick all the time. *getle hugs*
no matter what...always know you're very much loved and cared for here and we're all praying for you!
I love you Steph!
Sarala (Ruchie)
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I know I always say this hun, but you always seem to get the raw deal don't u? and when things look as though they're good like valentines day....things just take a turn for the worse. I read about your grandpa, havent had time to reply till now, but I just wanted to let you know that I thinking of you and your family and Im so sorry you've had such an aweful week. Its so hard with IBS being ill all the time, people don't understand how difficult it is for people with chronic illness, I wish things were different and that employers had special circumstances for us, its not like we choose to be ill. Im praying that you will feel better soon and that tummy sorts itself out. Dose yourself up with immodium if the D kicks in and try not to let those horrible thoughts come back into your head. I know exactly what you mean cos after counselling and hypnotherapy treatment Ive been so much more positive a person thatn when I first develped IBS but it only takes a really bad day to have those horrible thoughts and feelings come flooding back. Thats completely normal and jesus with all the bad things that keep happening to you its no wonder you're feeling like that. Just try and think positive, if you remind yourself how strong you are and think of all the good things in your life, the positivity will win over Im sure. I wish you lived next door so you could come sit pour your heart out and tell someone who understands cos I sure know the feeling of trying to tell people who don't. You know we're always here, you can always email me if you ever want, don't ever feel alone.....Im sending lots and lots of hugs your way.....
((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
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 Natalie
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Huge hugs first of all. Second, it is NOT your fault you are sick. Go to the memorial tomorrow and try to sleep the rest of the day off. Have a hot bath and some hot tea tonight. Hopefully, you will sleep well.
If you can get a couple good night's sleep, maybe you will get rid of the fever at least. I would suggest TRYING to go into work at all if you can on Thursday - at least for them to see that you're trying your best, and that you are legitimately sick. With any luck, they'll send you back home.
Isn't it ironic that FLO ALWAYS comes EXACTLY the same time you're sick? Happens to me all the time - it's SO annoying.
About your Grandfather- your Mom and Aunt are stressed and hurting, and they're taking it out on each other. STAY OUT OF IT. Worry about yourself. They're big girls. Let yourself grieve. It's perfectly natural - and it is going to be hard for a while - so just accept it. The grieving process takes time, and you're not going to get over it overnight. It DOES get easier, just be patient.
As for having bad thoughts again, make sure Adrian is aware of them. I believe the Canadian Mental Health Association has a hotline that you can call to talk to someone if you need to.
Sending you lots of healthy Canadian hugs,
Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I am very sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I am also sorry that you are sick right now. Try not to think about what others are thinking right now. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. It is only Tues. and with rest and medication you may feel well enough to go to work on Thursday. If you are still sick go into work and cough on everyone and maybe they will send you home.
I agree with Alicia, let your Mother and Aunt work things out. I would stay out of it. They are dealing with feeling and taking it out on each other. They know that they can because they love each other.
Others don't always understand about IBS and when they don't understand they don't have a lot of sympathy. You know that we do understand what you are going through and we are here for you.
Take care sweetie! Hugs,
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Janey
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Sorry to hear you're going through a bad time, and I hope things start looking up soon.
Where your family is concerned, ignore them. The arguements have nothing to do with you so let them worry about it. You don't need negativity in your life. Also they shouldn't be getting on your case about being sick. It's not like you chose to get sick.
With your work, is it possible for you to talk to them about making up the missed time? Many companies can be flexible that way. How long have you been at this job? If I were you, I would try to go work and see how it goes on Thursday. If you can't make it to the end of the day, you can always ask to leave early. They will at least see you made an effort. Also, since your doc says you can't go to work, you should get a doctor's note - they can't fire you if you have submitted documentaion by your doctor telling you to stay home.
*Edit - Just one more thing. When I said to ignore your family, I didn't mean don't have contact with them, I meant don't let the negative things they say to you affect you. Listen to each of them (mother and aunt) but let their complaints go in one ear and out the other because you don't need the added stress.
Edited by Gracie (02/28/06 03:57 PM)
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Steph, I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through. How horrible to get bronchitis on top of everything else you're going through. Just think, though, maybe this is your body's way of getting you to take it easy and take care of yourself. It sounds like you've been busy stressing out about others lately. I would recommend taking a nice bubble bath, reading a good book, or doing something else just for YOU. And please do explore your options. If nothing else talk to a friend or someone you can trust, and feel free to vent to us anytime. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Oh boy, Steph! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much right now.
I just wanted to say I agree with what Alicia said about your mom and aunt arguing. When my grandfather passed away last summer, there were quite a few arguments like this among my aunts and uncles and mother. Your family sounds a lot like mine. There were just so many emotions, strong emotions to go along with strong personalities. Either that or people just walking around like zombies, shocked and sad, but unable to let out their emotions and, of course, this would annoy the other siblings who were very vocal about their feelings. (I don't know if you're seeing this with your family members?)
Anyway, I soon realized it was just their way of dealing with the grief of losing their father. Everyone of them (5 aunts and uncles)had a different reaction. But after the funeral, once they had some closure and some time to themselves, they got along again and were able to grieve together.
So, just do what you need to do for yourself. If your mom needs to vent about her sister, you can listen and be there for her, but don't hold on to those feelings. When my mom would tell me about the drama, I would tell my bf or email a friend about - in a way, restating it gave me distance from it and let me see that it wasn't something I could fix or something that I should even be dealing with. It was their temporary, immediate reactions to the sadness and stress of losing an important figure in our family.
I'm sending you huge hugs. Don't forget to allow yourself to grieve. If you can't make it to work because you're sick or because you need to be there for your family, don't worry about that right now. It will all work out. Please take care of yourself.
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You really do need to go see a doc for this. I think it's time for you to maybe go to a hospital and explain that you don't have health coverage to see a psych...adn they can put you on a plan. It really seems like your anxiety is a direct cause of your IBS and that in turn causes your other illness. Sweetie, you are worth it, and it is a hard time, of course, and aunt Flo does pick horrid times. Preach to the choir-i had mine on my wedidng night.
Anyhow, everyone will be pissy right now bec. there's been a trauma. hang in there, and as my fave saying goes..."this too shall pass"-taking my own adivice is hard! 
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Keep on keepin' on...
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