Making babies update-feeling sad
#202719 - 08/05/05 06:55 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Well, I went to the RE's office this morning. First, they had an awful time getting blood from my veins! I got poked FOUR times and one of them is very swellon and sore and another they blow out the vein so I have a huge bruise. Ugh.
Ok, that over, I go for the ultrasound. I have one, lousy egg follicle!  After all the hormones and crap I'm on, I can't believe my body can only manage to produce one egg, not on overly big one either, it was 18mm. There were a couple of smaller ones around 12mm but they won't be big enough to release or fertilize. I have to wait until my bloodwork comes in this afternoon to be sure my estrogen is high enough to support my one egg and if it is, Will has to give me an injection tonight to make it release.
I know it only takes one but the first two clomid cycles I did, I had THREE and didn't get pregnant. I had one BIG one last month at over 30mm and it seems to be going down hill. I'm glad I decided I wasn't doing iui this month because with one follicle, it would hardly be worth it!
If I don't get pregnant this cycle, I'm going to talk to the RE about other medications. I may end up going with more, stronger, injectables.
I called Will when I was done with my appt and he was like "so?" I guess I was just looking for some comfort from him but he is too busy with his work right now. I will be ovulating this weekend and he works ALL weekend so I'm concerned about that as well.
Then, driving to work, my check engine light came on. I stopped at the dealer and they hooked it up to a computer and it said something was wrong in my fuel system. The guy said it could be bad gas or that the gas cap wasn't on tight enough but they were to busy to really look at it. He reset it so my light isn't on and told me if it comes on again, that I'll need a full diagnostic on it. Great.
I didn't sleep last night very well and I'm just really feeling down today. My weight is up and I can't exercise because of my hips. I've been having "bad hair days" for about a month now, not sure what to do with it! I guess I'm just feeling sad and lonely too. I think I'm just having a pitty party for myself today but any love would be appriciated! Its almost 10, the boss will be in any minute and he is here ALL day, ugh! Thanks goodness its Friday at least!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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You are allowed to feel so sad. Wanting a family and not being able to make one is very difficult. I do believe that things happen for a reason. Believe in that. Look at all the positives in your life instead.
On a brighter note.....do you see the resemblance???
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awww michele that sucks!! after all that you're going through, the doctors should be having you produce five gigantic follicles!
I'll cross my fingers in hope that maybe 1 is really your lucky number. Will Will have enough time to try to make some babies tonight or this weekend? I hope so.
Anyways, why don't you try to make a hair apt, and get a new cut or style. Maybe that will help your bad hair days and give you a little boost. 
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I'm sorry about the RE this morning....are you on the same exact doses you were on last month?? I wonder why your body only produced the one egg this time? I didn't think you had a problem getting pregnant, that is what is so frustrating right now! You are right- one egg is all it takes...but I completely understnad how you feel with all you've been through.
Take it easy this weekend, at least you didn't pay for the iui! I know that being stressed about it won't make it happen...at least that's what everyone told me a hundred times. We got pregnant the month that we tried NOT to, when I had my surgery...so I guess they were right. Maybe if you just act like it doesn't matter this month? I know, easier said than done.
<<BIG HUGS HUGS>>> Hnag in there sweetie!!
As far as that check engine light - I had that too awhile ago, and it was the gas cap! I felt really dumb, but it was in Justin's truck and I guess I just didn't tighten it well enough. Just check your cap and try putting it on again if that light turns on again. If it's not that you'll have to take it in of course, unless Will is good at looking at cars?
Good luck darlin! At least with your boss in, the day should go fast, right?? I'll be thinking about you this weekend!!!
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~Cara~
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You have a right to be sad. I'm so sorry that you're dissapointed again.
Keep up the hope though!
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Michelle,
I just think you are such a sweet, caring, kind person. You have been such a support to so many people on these boards, and we all have gotten to share in some of your baby-making struggles with you.
In my heart, I honestly believe it's going to happen for you. I don't know why, I just do. I know you're worried about your ticking clock, but there are a lot of women having babies in ther mid and late thirties--and even in their early forties! One of these months, it's going to work.
That being said, with me being the total "planning" type of personality, I can sort of imagine the frustration and pain you're experiencing. When I want things, I want them right away and I want everything to work as it should! I know how frustrated I have been with my body with this whole "low progesterone" thing, and we're not even TTC!
And then your hubby... I think most men can't handle going through the exhaustion of hoping every month and then being disappointed, plus you guys have had the pain of three miscarriages. On top of that, a lot of men are more laid back. I think if I were in your situation, my husband would be saying "oh well" and figuring we'd try again the following month, no big deal. Meanwhile, I'd be agonizing!
I can totally see where you're coming from on this. Just try to take a deep breath and remind yourself that there is only so much you can do, and the rest you just have to let happen. (Yeah, easier said than done, I know.) We're all sending you big hugs and lots of support.
Big hugs and lots of love,
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Great idea, Ashley. Michelle, do what she said. Have a day of pampering. It can't hurt. You deserve it the way things have been going lately.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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We need to get together to cheer each other up! Try not to be to hard on Will. Guys are so different with handling this kind of thing. It's easier for them not to get emotinally involved because it is not their body going through everything. Doesn't make it easier but it is still fact. Is there anything you can do to try and take your mind off of this for awhile. I mean I know it will also be in the back of your mind but maybe like Ashley said a day of pampering or doing something a little special for you each day. Scrapbooking helps me to take my mind off of things sometimes. Big hugs and hang in there!
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Sorry you're so sad, sweetie. Lord knows you've got a right to be sad. I agree, a little pampering is needed here!
Keep the faith! I know, easier said than done!
Hugs and love
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Hang in there, sweetheart. This WILL happen for you. Medical science can to a lot, but it's really up to MA nature. You never know what can happen - so try not to lose faith. I know this is going to happen for you - just try to be patient. You're a very strong person for going through all of this - hang in there. May I suggest an appointment with a hairstylist? Treat yourself. I know you usually dye your own hair, but maybe a trip to the salon for a treat would do you some good. Or even splurge on a manicure or pedicure or a new book or a bottle of nail polish or eyeshadow or SOMETHING. Remember, you're beautiful. Don't worry about the weight - almost all of us have issues with that. All that know you know you are an amazing, beautiful person - inside and out. So hang in there. You're going to be a great mommy someday! I will NEVER give up hope for you! So here it is from your most dedicated cheerleader - "GO MICHELE! YOU'RE FANTASTIC!!!!!"
Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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