Making babies update-feeling sad
#202719 - 08/05/05 06:55 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Well, I went to the RE's office this morning. First, they had an awful time getting blood from my veins! I got poked FOUR times and one of them is very swellon and sore and another they blow out the vein so I have a huge bruise. Ugh.
Ok, that over, I go for the ultrasound. I have one, lousy egg follicle!  After all the hormones and crap I'm on, I can't believe my body can only manage to produce one egg, not on overly big one either, it was 18mm. There were a couple of smaller ones around 12mm but they won't be big enough to release or fertilize. I have to wait until my bloodwork comes in this afternoon to be sure my estrogen is high enough to support my one egg and if it is, Will has to give me an injection tonight to make it release.
I know it only takes one but the first two clomid cycles I did, I had THREE and didn't get pregnant. I had one BIG one last month at over 30mm and it seems to be going down hill. I'm glad I decided I wasn't doing iui this month because with one follicle, it would hardly be worth it!
If I don't get pregnant this cycle, I'm going to talk to the RE about other medications. I may end up going with more, stronger, injectables.
I called Will when I was done with my appt and he was like "so?" I guess I was just looking for some comfort from him but he is too busy with his work right now. I will be ovulating this weekend and he works ALL weekend so I'm concerned about that as well.
Then, driving to work, my check engine light came on. I stopped at the dealer and they hooked it up to a computer and it said something was wrong in my fuel system. The guy said it could be bad gas or that the gas cap wasn't on tight enough but they were to busy to really look at it. He reset it so my light isn't on and told me if it comes on again, that I'll need a full diagnostic on it. Great.
I didn't sleep last night very well and I'm just really feeling down today. My weight is up and I can't exercise because of my hips. I've been having "bad hair days" for about a month now, not sure what to do with it! I guess I'm just feeling sad and lonely too. I think I'm just having a pitty party for myself today but any love would be appriciated! Its almost 10, the boss will be in any minute and he is here ALL day, ugh! Thanks goodness its Friday at least!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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You are allowed to feel so sad. Wanting a family and not being able to make one is very difficult. I do believe that things happen for a reason. Believe in that. Look at all the positives in your life instead.
On a brighter note.....do you see the resemblance???
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awww michele that sucks!! after all that you're going through, the doctors should be having you produce five gigantic follicles!
I'll cross my fingers in hope that maybe 1 is really your lucky number. Will Will have enough time to try to make some babies tonight or this weekend? I hope so.
Anyways, why don't you try to make a hair apt, and get a new cut or style. Maybe that will help your bad hair days and give you a little boost. 
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I'm sorry about the RE this morning....are you on the same exact doses you were on last month?? I wonder why your body only produced the one egg this time? I didn't think you had a problem getting pregnant, that is what is so frustrating right now! You are right- one egg is all it takes...but I completely understnad how you feel with all you've been through.
Take it easy this weekend, at least you didn't pay for the iui! I know that being stressed about it won't make it happen...at least that's what everyone told me a hundred times. We got pregnant the month that we tried NOT to, when I had my surgery...so I guess they were right. Maybe if you just act like it doesn't matter this month? I know, easier said than done.
<<BIG HUGS HUGS>>> Hnag in there sweetie!!
As far as that check engine light - I had that too awhile ago, and it was the gas cap! I felt really dumb, but it was in Justin's truck and I guess I just didn't tighten it well enough. Just check your cap and try putting it on again if that light turns on again. If it's not that you'll have to take it in of course, unless Will is good at looking at cars?
Good luck darlin! At least with your boss in, the day should go fast, right?? I'll be thinking about you this weekend!!!
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~Cara~
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You have a right to be sad. I'm so sorry that you're dissapointed again.
Keep up the hope though!
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Michelle,
I just think you are such a sweet, caring, kind person. You have been such a support to so many people on these boards, and we all have gotten to share in some of your baby-making struggles with you.
In my heart, I honestly believe it's going to happen for you. I don't know why, I just do. I know you're worried about your ticking clock, but there are a lot of women having babies in ther mid and late thirties--and even in their early forties! One of these months, it's going to work.
That being said, with me being the total "planning" type of personality, I can sort of imagine the frustration and pain you're experiencing. When I want things, I want them right away and I want everything to work as it should! I know how frustrated I have been with my body with this whole "low progesterone" thing, and we're not even TTC!
And then your hubby... I think most men can't handle going through the exhaustion of hoping every month and then being disappointed, plus you guys have had the pain of three miscarriages. On top of that, a lot of men are more laid back. I think if I were in your situation, my husband would be saying "oh well" and figuring we'd try again the following month, no big deal. Meanwhile, I'd be agonizing!
I can totally see where you're coming from on this. Just try to take a deep breath and remind yourself that there is only so much you can do, and the rest you just have to let happen. (Yeah, easier said than done, I know.) We're all sending you big hugs and lots of support.
Big hugs and lots of love,
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Great idea, Ashley. Michelle, do what she said. Have a day of pampering. It can't hurt. You deserve it the way things have been going lately.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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We need to get together to cheer each other up! Try not to be to hard on Will. Guys are so different with handling this kind of thing. It's easier for them not to get emotinally involved because it is not their body going through everything. Doesn't make it easier but it is still fact. Is there anything you can do to try and take your mind off of this for awhile. I mean I know it will also be in the back of your mind but maybe like Ashley said a day of pampering or doing something a little special for you each day. Scrapbooking helps me to take my mind off of things sometimes. Big hugs and hang in there!
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Sorry you're so sad, sweetie. Lord knows you've got a right to be sad. I agree, a little pampering is needed here!
Keep the faith! I know, easier said than done!
Hugs and love
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Hang in there, sweetheart. This WILL happen for you. Medical science can to a lot, but it's really up to MA nature. You never know what can happen - so try not to lose faith. I know this is going to happen for you - just try to be patient. You're a very strong person for going through all of this - hang in there. May I suggest an appointment with a hairstylist? Treat yourself. I know you usually dye your own hair, but maybe a trip to the salon for a treat would do you some good. Or even splurge on a manicure or pedicure or a new book or a bottle of nail polish or eyeshadow or SOMETHING. Remember, you're beautiful. Don't worry about the weight - almost all of us have issues with that. All that know you know you are an amazing, beautiful person - inside and out. So hang in there. You're going to be a great mommy someday! I will NEVER give up hope for you! So here it is from your most dedicated cheerleader - "GO MICHELE! YOU'RE FANTASTIC!!!!!"
Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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My theory
#202788 - 08/05/05 09:28 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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Ok.... so here's my theory.
If you have 3 eggs, the sperm are confused. They swim around and can't figure out which one to latch onto. They bounce from egg to egg, like balls in a pinball machine. They richocet from side to side without piercing one! They're lost---like a man who won't ask for directions (remember where they come from.)
But with ONE egg, there's no hesitation. They know exactly which way to go! They will have a direct route! A road map! They will latch one to that one egg---and do their job! Bingo! One egg---one baby for you!
See how easy that will be?
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Re: My theory
#202818 - 08/05/05 10:15 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I LOVE that theory BL!!! Thanks for putting it into perspective for me!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Actually, I just called and made an appt for next Wednesday to get my hair done! AND, I bought some new nail polish and foot cream! I figured since WIll is working all weekend, I'd soak in the tub and do my nails! Thanks for the words of encourangement, it means a lot to me!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I agree, we need to get together again! Your right, I shouldn't be so hard on Will but sometimes I "forget" he is a guy, you know, and expect a little more "nuturing" from him. I know he loves me and means well.
I'm think about getting some more layers cut into my hair but can't decide. I have an appt next Wednesday. Its just so heavy and frumpy but its also very thin and fine, ugh. Any suggestions?
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I can always count on you for support and hugs!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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LIFE WILL get better! my SIL had problems like that a few times, then they decided to do IVF and she somehow produced 28 viable eggs in one cycle... she had 3 implanted and got pregnant the first time, so they froze the rest of the embryos..
the second time she wanted a baby it took all the rest of those eggs and they had given up and told us all no more when they had the last one implanted and it took!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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You always sound so wise! And your right, I can only do so much and I need to relax a little but yes, its oh so hard!
I'm also the "planning" kind of person! I thought, well, I'll stop the pill this month month and get pregnant in this month and have by baby in this month kinda thing, boy, was I WRONG!! LOL!! Who knew!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I was actually on DOUBLE the dose from last month!! Crazy, huh??!! I kinda new I wasn't brewing a bit batch though because my ovaries are not hurting. Most women only produce one mature follie each month anyways, they consider 17-18 mature so I shouldn't complain but...
I got pregnant the second month we tried the first time. Miscarried. Got pregnant right away without even having a period. Miscarried. Then it took 4 months to get pregnant the third time. Yep, miscarried again. This is now my fourth month trying this time around. I do usually ovulate on my own but my stimulating the follicular growth and development, they are trying tavoid another miscarriage. I know I can get pregnant and with one egg because I was never one "drugs" the times I did get pregnant (other than progesterone supplements) so I would have been producing just one egg than. So, lets hope this one egg is the lucky egg!! 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I agree, I should be having a bumper crop of eggs after all these darned hormones! Aw well, lets hope this one is the lucky one!!
I told Will to rest up this afternoon so we can get busy tonight!! LOL!! I'll get him again before he leaves tomorrow morning in case he is too tired when he gets home tomorrow night and then again Sunday morning. He's going to be one tired boy after I'm done with him and he has to work a music festival all weekend!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Carol! I made an appt for Wednesday to get my hair done and I bought a really pretty shade of lavender nail polish to do my toes this weekend!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I know it only takes one but after all the hormones, I would have liked to have seen more! Aw well, lets hope its the lucky one!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm still hoping!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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And YES, I do see the resembalance!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Awwww Michele....*HUGS*
This must be so discouraging....but you're right...it only takes one!!! Don't give up hope yet....this will happen for you!!
That sucks about your car...what kind of car is it? In my old cavalier the check engine light came on and it was just a faulty censor that was really expensive to replace so I ended up leaving it and drove with it like that for years without a problem.
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I have a 2002 Jeep Liberty. I'm hoping it was just the gas cap not being locked tight, I guess I'll have to wait and see if it comes on again! Stupid Cars!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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That's my girl. Take good care of yourself. When you DO have this baby (because I KNOW it WILL HAPPEN), you won't have time. So enjoy it now. Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Ok, so the Re's nurse just called, my estrogen is 41!! It needs to be a MINIMUM of 150-200 per follicle. So, I won't be doing the hcg injection tonight and I probably won't ovulate this weekend and may not at all this month. 
I have to go back in Monday morning at 8:45 for another ultrasound and another blood draw. Lets hope they can find my wein this time. She said she didn't think I was going to ovulate anytime soon if at all this month. My estrogen has always been good, it was 800something one month and 600 something the other two months. I don't know what causes this or any real specifics as the actualy RE is out of town and the nurse was rather vague but agreed it wasn't good news. She said to continue to do the ovulation predictor kits all weekend just in case it jumps up and to be sure I have sex if I get a positive but otherwise, it won't matter. so, I guess Will is off the hook for this weekend. Lets hope my body produces the estrogen needed to make good with the one eggie I have this month, otherwise, this month is a wash.
I'm sorry I haven't responed to many other posts today. I've been swamped at work. We have out last patient in the exam room right now so I'm going to try and catch up real quick. I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring their posts or anything. I've just been super busy and kinda have a one track mind today. Thanks for all the support!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Ugh...
#202910 - 08/05/05 02:13 PM
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Well....this stinks. <<Big Hugs>> I say try anyways...you never know....but it's hard to not get down.
I'm glad you have some time alone this weekend, and can do some girly stuff.
It's going to happen for you sweetie...hang in there!
Love you!
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~Cara~
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Aw...
Well, I agree with Cara. Give Will the night of his life, anyway. Get yourself all done up and sexy and enjoy each other. We don't want the poor man to think he's just a machine!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Michele
#202918 - 08/05/05 02:27 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I'm so sorry! I know you are so disappointed ---and puzzled by this. This has never been low before, has it? Maybe when the doctor gets back, she can tell you more.
Hang in there! Pamper yourself this weekend...and who knows. It still might just happen. God works in mysterious ways. Look at the month Cara conceived!!!
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You don't deserve the disappointment. I feel for you, and I'm hoping the next months bring you the happiness you deserve!!
I am having a bad Friday and will happily join your pity party if you have an extra seat at the table. I'll even bring the cake!! I'll be diapering my neighbor's demented 80 year-old mother-in-law tonight until about 1am, and holding her hand when the power will inevitably go off. Save me a seat at your party. 
Hope your weekend is not too sucky! I'll be sending you good vibes your way--!
~nelly~
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Hey Michele,
Aw sweetie, I so wish I had some advice for you. I know so little about trying to conceive, but I just really wish I could be more helpful Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and sending lots of hugs you're way. Hang in there...we're always here for you!
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I don't have any profound words of wisdom nor a cheesy cheer (though I could come up with one...that could be scary!). Just know that I am saying a prayer for you tonight!
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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