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Oh Steph.....what a horrible time to be going through. *HUGE HUGS* I know it seems like there's nothing but bad things going on in your life right now but take a deep breathe and try and think about all the good things you've got going for you. I'm sure there are some things to be happy about and thankful for in your life even if they all seem clouded over right now by all the hurts you're going through. You have plenty of reason to live!!
I know it seems hopeless and you love Adrian so much that you can't imagine being without him (and wouldn't want to) but try and remember that you are strong and you are a survivor and you can and will get through ANYTHING life throws your way and we are all here to help you.
I think you should wait until you've both calmed down a little bit and then sit down and talk about how you're both feeling and what has gone wrong between you two. Maybe you guys will come up with some solutions to your problems.
I wish I had better advice for you. I know how horrible heart ache feels but I can tell you that God sees what you're going through and he never throws anything at us that we can't get through. He does not give us more than we can handle (even though it definitely seems that way sometimes). You will get through this and come out a stronger person.
*HUGS*
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My heart goes out to you. What a terrible few months you've been having. And now Adrian is saying he wants to leave. That's the worst thing for you right now.
Here's a huge (((((((HUG))))))).
Oh Steph. 
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don't give up yet...sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment that they don't really mean...like calling people bad names, or questioning why they are there. Maybe it would be good for Adrian to move out...if that means he can stick around in Canada AND in your life....have you ever thought about moving where he wants to go? I don't really know the back story on that, and you don't have to tell me.
I'm so sorry! You've dealt with so much lately! Just try to hold on, and stay calm...
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Stephie
#195524 - 07/14/05 07:50 AM
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I was raised in an abusive home (verbal, emotional) and thereby grew up not knowing that I could stand up for myself, say "no" to a guy...the short version is that I had little or no self esteem.
I found myself in a volatile relationship...some of the fights you write about with Adrian could have been written by me. I lived in Texas where if you weren't engaged or married by the time you graduated college you were considered an old maid.
When this guy left me I thought my life was over and considered ending my life...thinking that I could not live without him and thinking that I would never fall in love or get married.
The truth is, I was married within 9 months to my husband of almost twenty years (THAT story is a post all by itself!) and I am living the American dream. I have 2.2 children...2 dogs...and so forth and I couldn't be happier. God is doing magnificent things in my life and I am so grateful.
I say all of this to say that you CAN live without Adrian if he leaves...DO NOT put your self worth into whether he stays or not. You are a lovely girl with a very sweet personality.
You and Adrian have been through much as of late and I pray that God blesses you with peace in your life. The peace may be with or without Adrian but you will be OK.
I worry about posting this as I don't want to be a naysayer but my intent is to let you know that you are worthy of the very best...you deserve peace...you deserve a man that treats you like a queen...you can be a complete person without a man. Hugs to you Stephie....I am praying for peace in your life.
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Steph, I'm so sorry everything is such a mess. I know how upset you must be right now. I KNOW that feeling of hopelessness, I know that feeling of thinking life is too hard to go on. I know that feeling of thinking I can't go on without someone.
Steph, please don't be mad at this but maybe Andrian isn't the right person for you. Yes, people get upset and say/do things they don't mean to but this isn't this first time. You deserve someone who is going to support you (not necessarily financially but at least mentally) and love you and want to help you and want to make a life with you. I'm sorry, but from what you have said about Adrian over the last year or so, I don't really see hom doing those things.
Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we can see the light and move on. I've been at the bottom, in an alomst drugged induced coma, staring up at an abusive boyfriend, having NO money, no one to turn to, feeling like death would be a much easier and better solution than anything I could think of. Its not easy and its very scary. But, you CAN change your life. You do have the power if you want to. It might take spending some time alone, sorting out the issues, figuring out who you really are. But, you are a strong person and you can do it! Once you are happier with yourself, it will be much easier for people to be happy with you!
Please do not be offending by my words. I think you are a dear, sweet person and are most definitely have some awful things going on but know you can stand up for yourself and you deserve to be treated better! I hope things work out with Andrian but if not, you can move on and will find someone who makes you even happier! Super Dooper big Hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Listne to the advice you give others, please *hugs*
IT IS NOT STEPHIE'S FAULT!!!!!
Life is handing you something much more sour than lemons! that is NOT your fault! What did you do to deserve it? NOTHING! When will it go away? I don't know...but it WILL get better! *hugs*
Do you know how important you are? You posted in the EFIBS Diet Boards about being concerned why I was self-diagnosing myself as bipolar. Because of your promptng I had a talk with hubby the other night. He asked me what it was like to be in the hospital. And it came out I WAS diagnosed with bipolar there (Ocd as well).
Do you realize how much HEALING I did because of your concern? Do you have any IDEA what kind of GOOD DEED you did for me? I am TALKING about all of this stuff now...no more deep dark secrets eating me alive! And please realize...you do this EVERY DAY for folks on this board. You are such a WONDERFUL soul...beautiful, courageous, kind, understanding, compassionate...the list is ENDLESS!
Stephie...you have soooooo much love in you! Yes...we have issues. And if Adrian is not able to (for whatEVER reason), support you properly...maybe it isn't meant to be *hugs* Maybe you guys could go to couple's counseling? But you know what? This DOES NOT reflect badly on either of you! I dated a bipolar guy who couldn't get help for himself. When he finally did...it was too late for us. And you know what? NO ONE was BAD! It wasn't the right fit at the right time. I couldn't support HIM the way he needed me to (incidentally he broke up with me a couple of years earlier because he couldn't suport ME the way I needed to be supported).
WHATEVER happens...please know how beautiful you are!!! How special, strong, loving, wonderful...and how much we love you and NEED you Stehpie! I know without you I would not be where I am in my healing. You have helped so many of us...that says SO MUCH about you, your character, and your love. PLEASE shower some of that love on YOU!
If it were one of us with the root canals, the job loss (atm), the probs with our b/f, etc., etc., what would you tell us? Pretend it is me and tell me what you would say. Write it down...place it in an envelope, and the next time you are feeling blue, read it! It's for YOU Steph...all the love in the world.
I love you!
Ruch
P.S. Can you exaplin your situation to your therapist? Maybe she can do phone therapy? If you belong to a church or something, maybe they have money you could use? Just a thought...
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I agree, he just might not be the one for you....?
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The mess!!!
#195969 - 07/15/05 08:10 AM
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pookie
Reged: 07/15/05
Posts: 13
Loc: Wynnewood, PA
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Hi Stephie. Sounds like you have a lot going on and grappling with some tough experiences. Try to prioritize and focus on yourself, not anyone else right now. Remember that things do work out, not always the way you may want them to, but things always get resolved. To move forward is to deal with the here and now, not expend energy on the train that has gone off its' tracks. You have the strength to get through this.
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Stephanie
IBS A,C&D
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