Need to Vent
#160582 - 03/14/05 07:11 PM
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I know this has been a common topic around here, but I guess I just need to vent a little bit. You guys are the only ones who understand. 
My grandparents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year and we're having a party to celebrate it. Unfortunately, all the planning has sadly turned into chaos between all the kids.
I don't know the whole story but I guess there has been conflict between my mom and my Aunt Kate, who is currently going through a nasty divorce. For some reason, she decided that she needed to take the reins of this party and make all the decisions. Every idea my mom suggested was rejected, and so my mom decided just to step back and do what she was assigned.
The two big issues that are really making this hard for me is the powerpoint presentation that I was assigned to do and the catering. I spent a lot of hours working on this really nice and semi-funny powerpoint presentation that my grandpa would really like. He is really into humor and I figured that it would be a nice break from all the other stuffiness. Well, my Aunt Kate was supposed to get some old movies put onto a DVD so I could incorporate them into the presentation - but ended up putting the pictures I had scanned in on the DVD and decided we didn't need both a DVD and presentation!  So all my hardwork went down the drain.
The second issue concerns the food and my IBS. The event is being catered and my mom asked my other aunts last night what is being served for me. Everything that I can't eat will be there so when my mom asked if I could bring in food for me to eat, they replied that it would be too tacky. What gets to me is that there is going to be ONLY family there! Same people that see my grandpa make me a baked potato and plain chicken for every family event. My poor mom is so mad about it, but doesn't want to say anything because the whole party is for my grandparents. Not sure what will happen afterwards, but I really don't want to be part of the reason that my mom starts fighting with her sisters.
I know this has been a problem with everybody and I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do yet about it. Just needed to vent because now I really don't want to go. But will end up going anyways since its for my grandparents.
Thanks guys for listening. So much for my life starting to get unstressful.
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- Jennifer
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Jennifer,
You have every right to be upset about your hard work going unnoticed and unappreciated. Your aunt needs to understand that you want to do something special (from your heart) to show your love for your grandparents.
As for the meal, would it be too much for the caterer to make something tummy friendly? I mean if you had allergies they would make sure that food wasn't served. I don't see what the big deal is!?! 
Hope you get a chance to show your grandparents how much you care! Good luck!
Stacey
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Vent away!
#160588 - 03/14/05 07:22 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I swear... nobody is ever as difficult as family is. 
Personally, I'd go and bring my own food anyway. What's she going to do, throw you out? LOL But then, I'm the kind of person to do things like that just for the "so there, b**ch!" factor, so maybe I'm not the one to dish advice on this one. 
I'm sure your aunt's a lovely person, and I'm sure that her personal situation is having a lot to do with why she's doing this - if I wanted to psychoanalyze, I'd say that she's compensating for a lack of control with the divorce by running the show with the party. Not saying it's *right*, just how I'm seeing it. Either way, I'm sorry you (and your poor mother!) have to deal with this. Good luck. 
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Thanks Beaner.
Unfortunately I am SUPER close to my family so this is why its making a hard for me. I even chose my current location so that I would be closer to them. I can't even really confront my aunt because I'm not supposed to know about this.
Nobody in my family really knows about my IBS. My other aunt has it, but hers isn't nearly as bad. My mom says they looked at her like I was the pickiest eater in the world when she told them what I could eat. Part of me is tempted to eat the food just so I have an attack and they can see what it does to me.
Thanks for understanding. I really need the support - this has me so upset that I can't stop crying enough to pay my bills.
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- Jennifer
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Ooh I wish I could do that so much, Casey! On the other side of my family, it'd be easy to do that.
Yeah, I know that's why she's taking control. She also has a lot of ups and downs, and is currently going through a down. While I sympathize for everything she's going through, I just hope she realizes what she's doing and makes things right.
Thanks Casey - You helped me daydream about borrowing my cousin's Sponge Bob lunch bag and filling it full of chicken, rice, and steamed veggies.. and setting it right down in the center of my plate.
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- Jennifer
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Well, I know... sometimes it really just isn't possible. Being serious, though, *please* at least take a couple Luna bars in your purse or something like that, so you don't have to go the entire time with no food at all. Don't eat things that are going to make you sick - the stress is bad enough on its own! You really do have to take care of YOU, even if it means doing a little bit of sneaking and having your family think you're picky.
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Yeah, I'm definitely going to take some saltine crackers with me because my tummy has been really weird when I don't eat lately. When I first discovered I could eat the Luna bars, I went a bit overboard and ate too many. 
I thought about it all night and have come to the conclusion that I am going to go, but not eat anything that I can't eat. Our annual easter egg hunt is the following Saturday (March 26th) so I think I'm going to call my grandpa and let him know that I can't come because of illness. I will go see him and my grandma at a later date, but don't want to put myself through the stress two weekends in a row.
Thanks Casey! I need the support right now. Can't remember ever feeling this let down before...
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- Jennifer
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Jennifer-
Sorry to hear your family is putting so much stress on you. I really hate dealing with family and my IBS. It really stresses me out too. I think I would agree with Casey about bringing your own food. It's not like you have to announce it to everyone and I am sure your grandparents would not care. It sounds like they understand anyways. You are right in going and being there for them but remember you are important too and family should understand that! Good luck can I hope it works out for you!
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I say... bring your own food...OR call the catering company and place "your own order" to be delivered at the same time... just tell them you have LOTS allergies and ask that they prepare something for you....maybe your Mom will help you cover the cost?
And as for your presentation.... have it ready and after her little show is done (I know you, you can do this)... stand up and say, "I have prepared something special for Grandma & Grandpa as well that I would now like to show". NOBODY will stop you (will they?)
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Jennifer, the good thing about being at the party is to see the smiles of joy on your Grandparents faces at seeing you there,and seeing thier love for you twinkle in their eyes! That alone will make it worth being there.
You know your grandfather will be worried about what you will be able to eat! Don't be shy about bringing your own food! Bring it, there is not one tacky thing about it, I would take mine in a heartbeat! Do it!! If you are really that uncomfortable with it, then do call the caterer there should be no problem.
GIVE YOUR PRESENTATION! What is your Aunt going to do, make an @$$ out of herself? No way, she doesn't want to be seen that way in front of her parents, I promise you. Stand up and do your thing, your Grandparents will be so surprised, and love every minute of it! After all, its for them right? No regrets Jennifer, our lives are too short!
Hope it works out fine, I will be waiting to hear about it!
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