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Quote:
The way he's being is making it MUCH HARDER to leave.
Oh Tina, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Please though keep in mind that the wounded dog act is totally part of the manipulator personality. I'm sure he's sincerely upset and hurt to be losing you -- who wouldn't be? But the fact that he's being so calm instead of throwing things is one last ditch effort to make you think you'd be crazy to give up on him.
You are doing the right thing. Time will show you that. Good luck with everything. I've been there too.
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Ugh...
#153562 - 02/24/05 06:30 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I know that feeling. When my ex-husband and I split up, long story short, I didn't have anywhere to go immediately, so we ended up living together from June till November. That was horrible, and we even split mutually on reasonably good terms. 
Like I said, my inbox is always open if you need me... and hang in there, I know it sucks.
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I'm sorry its getting so hard tina.. it will get easier. The first few days are the hardest...
Also.. you said you felt bad for him and you don't know what to do.. think of it in reverse.. Would you want someone to make up with you and get back together with you cause they feel bad for you? heck no.. cause they love you and can't live without you is a much better reason.
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I'm so sorry, this is just a tough situation any way you look at it. I agree with the other though. This was not an impulse decision and the problems have been ongoing for years. He is NOT going to change. You have to stay strong. As much as it may hurt, make a list of all the bad things about the relationship and keep it near by. When you feel weak or start to question your leaving him, read it. You will be much happier in the long run. Be strong and get through the next month. Try to keep your time with him to a minimum, hard to do when you still have to live with him. Make plans to be out with friends more. Go to the library. Take a class or go to the gym more. Be civil at home but try to keep contact to a minimum. You CAN do this, it will be hard but you can do it! Stay strong! Think positive. Look to the future! Big hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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First of all....you have not ruined his entire life!!! Don't ever blame yourself!! This breakup is simply your reaction to his actions....and that's not your fault.
Second....don't cave on this one. I know it's hard and you might desperately feel like you want to give in because you feel so bad for him, but I'm willing to guess that he'd say just about anything to you right now in order to keep you with him....even if that means admitting he's wrong. Chances are, he'll go back to his same bad habits if you cave....so stay strong!! People don't change over night.
It's going to be hard living with him for the next month until you move out....but you can do it. Is there a friend you could stay with for a little while...even if it's just a week or so to let him cool down. There's got to be someone!!!
Stay strong....we're all here for you *HUGS*
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Hi Tina!
#153581 - 02/24/05 07:35 AM
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RachelT
Reged: 07/01/04
Posts: 2350
Loc: Minnesota
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I'm sorry your break-up didn't go so well... breaking up is hard to do! It's unfortunate though that he took it so bad. I'm wondering Tina, do you still feel like you did the right thing? What I mean is, are you comfortable with it, even though it was hard?
This may or may not help you, but reading your post today reminded me of the one and only time I broke up with someone (which hardly ever happened because I was always on the receiving end of break-ups) that ended on a bad note... Because of his mental abuse, I dread the day that I see him again. I had pushed it so far deep into my mind that I had forgotten about it when you had posted your plans for your break-up...
I was dating this guy who was the most controlling, self-centered, egotistical jerk I had ever met. Not to mention the fact that he was a complete idiot and thought of himself as a genius! We had only dated for 6 months, but I knew that I couldn't live with him for the rest of my life let alone another minute and that breaking up was gonna be difficult, because I knew he would cry and blame everything on me. When the time came, he cried like a baby and I left him feeling like I had been punched in the gut. As hard as it was, I took comfort in the fact that it was the best thing I could have done for myself. If it wasn't for the fact that he owed me a ton of money, of which I had to take legal action to get posession of, I would have walked away from him and never looked back.
It was difficult at first, but each day got a little easier. To my surprise, my perseverance paid off later that year when I met Eric, who turned out to be my soul mate.
I realize you've been with this guy for a really long time and I know you're hurting right now and that's normal, but it will get easier Tina. Just take each day one at a time.
HUGS!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Ahhhh, Tina
#153589 - 02/24/05 08:01 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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you knew this would be hard. You are grieving for what you have lost, but you have to look forward to your future---and do what's best for you in the long run.
Give it time. Maybe with time you will feel differently. I know that's easy for me to say because I'm not dealing with this.
Take a deep breath, do anything you can to keep busy and keep your mind off of this, and hopefully, you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you call some friends (not mutual ones) to keep you busy this weekend? Do something fun that you haven't done in a long time. Pamper yourself! Discover the YOU you haven't felt in a long time.
I'll keep you in my prayers. I know it's hard, but be strong. We're all here for you.
((((Big hugs)))))
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We had a big talk today and he has agreed that it is for the best. I'm ok and very excited about the future now. Life is great again!!!!!!!
 
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That's so great that he agrees with you! What a relief. And confirms that you did make the right decision after all.
Also, more likely that he will not be so difficult to live with the next month, hopefully.
PS, Is it okay to mention him on the boards or should I delete this? 
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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But I wanted to say I rad the entire thread and THANK G-d! I'm so thrilled for you Tina! You deserve a wonderfully happy life. Now go out there and get it...it's waiting for you *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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