Just found out my mom has cancer--update, also a sprained ankle
#114722 - 10/21/04 03:57 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Well I've got to hand it to her, she kept it a secret from me. She told me Friday she was going in on Wednesday to get a lump removed. She broke it to me this morning, after I'd spent the night looking after her after her surgery the "lump" was actually the size of an orange. And they found a couple more in there while they were digging around her left breast.
I am bitter and shattered and scared right now. You guys are my pillar, and I really thank you for helping me through some hard IBS times. I am a basket case right now. I'm getting power of attorney tomorrow, and in a few days we are going in to get the results of the biopsy. From the size and geography, I'm guessing it's not Stage I.
My world is spinning. Thanks for letting me dump.
~nelly~
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Oh Nelly...
#114727 - 10/21/04 04:14 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I don't even know what to say that could possibly be a comfort right now... *hugs* I'm so sorry.
My grandmother had a lump the size of a large peach removed in... hmm, 1991? 1992? She had others removed as well. Long story short, she's still with us. Never lose hope.
*more hugs*
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Wow, I'm so sorry. I know why our parents keep these types of things from us but it doesn't help finding out later. I pray they can get rid of it all. I would be a basket case too.
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Hi Nelly, so sorry to hear your Mom's news. I can tell from your letter that you really love your Mom, which means she has probably been the best Mom in the world!! (besides mine, )
Just be as strong as you can be for her, she needs you to be. I understand her not telling you about it, my Mom did the same thing. We are waiting right now to find out about a 2nd Dr.'s diagnosis on Leukemia for her. So, I do know how you are feeling, its a kick in the gut, huh?
I am praying for you both, just love her with all of your heart, soul and breath, have some good long talks too!
gayla
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Oh Nelly... I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. {{BIG HUGS}} I'll be thinking of both you, your mom, & your family. You keep us posted.... and lean on us as much as you need... we are all here for you.
-------------------- www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Oh dear!
#114738 - 10/21/04 04:41 PM
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RachelT
Reged: 07/01/04
Posts: 2350
Loc: Minnesota
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I am so so so sorry Nelly!!
{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}
I'll make sure to say prayers for you, hon!
-------------------- ~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Oh Sweetie!!! I am so sorry!!! Words can not even tell you how much I am praying for you and your family!! Never lose hope and try to keep that wonderfull sense of humor we have all come to love!! <<<<<<<<<<<<<<BIG HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
-------------------- Heather7476
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oh my.. sounds like something my mom would do though and dad helps her... and then doesn't understand when I get mad or keep things from them about my health- HELLO??? she was in the hospital with major complications and not expected to live and I found out when I called home and aksed my kid sister (who assumed I'd been told) to put mom on the phone.
they do it all the time.. I just hope this time it isn't too late and it is still treatable for your mom... they have made some miraculous advances in treatments for breast cancer. Even later stages... my aunt lived 10 years after a stage 2-3 diagnosis (I think the diagnosis she had 12 years before she died when it went in remission was stage 2, it was stage 3 the second bout.. but I am not remembering the details from back then that well.. she was on Chemo every three weeks, but she lived to see her grandchildren all be born!)
Amie
-------------------- Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Nelly~ I wish there was something more that I could do than simply say how sorry I am to hear this, and that I will keep both you and your mom in my thoughts.
It's understandable that you're a basket case; I would be too. But don't give up hope. As long as there is life, there is a chance.
<<Hugs!>> We'll be here when you need us. Take care of yourself, hon.
-------------------- ~*Amber*~
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Sorry to hear such sad, sad news! Try to stay as positive and hopeful as you can. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Terri
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nelly...
#114798 - 10/21/04 07:17 PM
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daliatree
Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York
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what a shock. I am so sorry. Sending you huge hugs. You can always come here to let your feelings out...don't forget. Wishing a full recovery to your Mum.
-------------------- Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Hi Nelly,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom Try and hang in there and be strong...I know it's really hard. I lost my mom three years ago to pancreatic cancer (she was 48) and it was pretty tough. It's amazing though what you can handle when it comes to a loved one.
If you need or want someone to talk to feel free to email me anytime (vicam7@hotmail.com). I went through a lot with my Mom and would be happy to try and help
Take care, Kelly
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My thoughts are with you now...and our prayers.
Try not to let this overwhelm you & be sure to take time out for yourself, everyday.
Bob.
-------------------- Life is transitory, love is not!
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Kelly
#114814 - 10/21/04 08:40 PM
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daliatree
Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York
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Kelly I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know you have been having a really bad time with your ibs this past year too....I wish you lots of happiness.
-------------------- Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Thank you -nt
#114817 - 10/21/04 10:02 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Oh no, Nelly.
That's very tough news to get. I don't know how I'd handle it myself. My mom is a heavy smoker and I dread the day that she tells me she has cancer.
(((hugs)))
Try to stay strong though after you let all the tears out as she'll need your support. We're all here for you.
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Oh, Nelly, I'm so sorry about your Mom. I know that was a shock to you. As scared and overwhelmed as you must feel, remember that you have all of us here for you. Please come here for love, support and comfort. We're here for you! Hang in there. I'll be praying for you and your Mom.
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-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
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-------------------- - Jennifer
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I'm so sorry!
#114912 - 10/22/04 10:11 AM
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peaches
Reged: 09/28/03
Posts: 1183
Loc: Fort Wayne, Indiana
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I hope everything is going well now. How is she doing? Just keep staying strong for her and supporting her. Please update on how she's doing! *HuGs*!!!
-------------------- It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
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I agree with the others, don't lose hope, no matter what. I know what you are going through. My dad was diagnosed with breast cancer (yes, my dad), about 5 and a half years ago. I was a basketcase, he is my best friend and just the kindest man in the world. The doctors gave him 5 years at most to live - and he's still here today, feeling better than ever. I honestly had no hope years ago when I was told that...I just cried all the time thinking about all he would miss....and now I regret losing hope so soon, because he is doing just fine, and I think a lot of it is because he believed in himself, and he believed that the chemo and mastectomy would get rid of it all. I know you're feeling lots of emotions right now, and no words will cheer you up - but just know that God has a plan and knows what he's doing. My prayers are with you and your family! ~Cara
-------------------- ~Cara~
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Nelly
#114916 - 10/22/04 10:21 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Oh no Nelly, that is so horrible. And to see someone that is bright, cherful, and funny no matter how nad they are feeling be so in the dumps is always so upseting. I never knew that you could start getting attached to "message board internet" friends, but I feel as bad for you as I would for anyone in my physical life. I never know what to say in situations like this, but I just wanted to write something to show I care. Good luck to you and your mom.
**huggs** sheri
-------------------- -Sheri
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Thanks guys. I can't believe how many of you posted to my message!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really appreciate the support. I don't know anyone else who's gone through this before. It seems my mom has a ton of friends who called nonstop and sent gobs of food, and some friends who are survivors who are helping her through everything, but not so in Nellyland. So I really appreciate you guys being here for me. You guys really care, and you don't know how much it's helping me! Thanks so much!!
~nelly~
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Nelly
#114923 - 10/22/04 10:32 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Oh Nelly, that is just awful, Sorry I am getting in on this late, my thoughts are with you and your family, Sinead
-------------------- S.
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Nelly, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother. God bless you both.
-------------------- Daisy
"Sometimes you are the Windshield, sometimes you are the bug".
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Oh Nelly, I'm so, so sorry. Just want you to know you & your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers. Just remember that we are all here to help you through this.
Hugs Barbie
--------------------
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Oh, Nelly... I'm so sorry. My husband and I went down this road with his mom. It was beyond tough.
Just hang in there and hope and pray! I hope you get good news.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
-------------------- Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Ah the adventures of thaking care of loved ones! Read this and see where I get my sense of humor.
Saturday I'd been alternatively taking care of Dbf who's puking his guts out going on 20 hours. He's got Lyme disease, and every few months, he can't keep anything down for days straight.
I'm also responsible for my mom with her surgery aftercare. I split Friday night and Sat morning with puking Dbf, and Sat. with mom. I had a nice visit with my mom, actually. I called mom after coming home, after spending Saturday at her bed, and she dashed to get my call, slipped, fell, and went splat on the floor twisting up her leg. This is where my guilt trip STARTS.
As I was leaving a lovely relaxed message about how nice a visit I had, she crawled to the phone with a badly sprained ankle, and she managed to hit speakerphone, wailing that she was on the floor and needed an ambulance, pronto!! Yikes!
I called the paramedics for her and called her back to tell her they were on the way. She insisted I NOT drive BACK the 30 minutes to the hospital, (which is just a couple blocks from her place). Stubborn woman, so I acquiesced.
She said if she needed a ride home she'll let me know, but don't bother worrying about it. Did I mention she's 3 blocks from the hospital? Did I mention she's stubborn?
This is 6pm. So 1 hour passes, no call back. 2 hours pass, etc. I gave up waiting at midnight, to get some sleep, as I was nodding off and Dbf was passed out exhausted.
I was dead asleep by midnight, thinking she had cabbed it the 3 blocks home. Evidently, the phone didn't wake me up when she called me at 12:30am and left a message that YES she would need a ride, and right now.
Now, the phone DIDN'T wake me up, but you'd better believe the 2 county police officers banging on my door at 3am DID. "Are you all right, Miss?" "...Wha? I was sleeping! I think I'm allright. Can you ask me again when I wake up? Officer? Officers?"
Seems like dear mom called out a missing persons report(!!!) and APB(!!?!) on my car when I hadn't shown up at the hospital. I might be dead in a ditch, you know. Police even called security at my apartment complex to check if my car was in the lot. Ugh.
So I took it, TOOK IT like the half-asleep worst daughter in the world I was, and even thanked the cops for checking on my safety. I cooooouldn't help mentioning as they left that she DID live 3 BLOCKS from the hospital, fyi. They laughed a little.
I'm cool with my mom today. Dbf is still ill and I spent a good 5 hours cooking and entertaining by my mom's bedside. She's in a splint and can't use crutches because fo the breast surgery stiches.
OK I'm going to have to take a nap now...! It was just as exhausting recounting this story. Hope it made sense!! Love you for listening.
~nelly~
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LOL Nelly!!
#115414 - 10/24/04 03:27 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Nelly, I now feel guilty for laughing at your misfortunes, but that is a great story, and you tell it so well!
Moms' function is to "not be any trouble" but to end up being the most trouble possible by trying not to be any trouble!
Sounds like you had a rough weekend, take care of yourself too! Its a holiday here tomorrow so I have no work..still have to get up though as have to go to a funeral (Noone close but the wife of a guy I used to work for, she's only 50 and has three kids so it is going to be VERY sad)
Talk tomorrow,
Sinead
-------------------- S.
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Your poor mom!
But, I'm sorry, you had me laughing out loud that she called the cops because you didn't answer your phone.
Don't ever lose your wonderful sense of humour Nelly!!!
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Nelly...I am soooo sorry! How awful for you and your Mum... I hope her ankle gets better quickly. Why is life like that....it doesn't rain, it pours. always here if you want to vent XXXXXXXXXXX
-------------------- Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Poor Nelly
#115441 - 10/24/04 05:31 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read your post. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. That's enough adventure for one weekend!!! Now I want you to have a nice calm week, do you hear me?
I can't believe the phone call did not wake you up---and then your Mom calls authorities looking for you. This might make a good story line for Law and Order. Or maybe it would be more appropriate for One Life to Live.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to make light of your situation, but hey, when life gives you lemons, you gotta make lemonade, right?
I think I need to put you, your Mom, your boyfriend, (and anyone else you can think of) on my prayer list.
I hope this week goes much better for you, that your Mom can get comfortable and you can get some SLEEP.
Now get off the computer and go lie down!!!
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Nelly!
#115490 - 10/24/04 08:44 PM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Oh, no Nelly, seems like you have your hands full with them! Hope things calm down for you, things always seem to happen at the same time, don't they?
Dbf and mom are lucky to have you taking care of them, and your situation with your mom sooo reminds me of something that could happen between me and my mom, she can be very difficult at times
-------------------- -Sheri
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My goodness girl!! You do things in style don't ya!!! I had to laigh at the APB thing!! That is such a mother thing to do!!! I hope everyone is feeling better soon!!! Good Grief they better or will be talking to you from the loony bin!!!LOL Good LUCK!!! LOTS OF LOVE!!!!
-------------------- Heather7476
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OH NO!
I have no words.
What can we do to help you? PLEASE lean on us...we're ALL here for you!
E-mail me any time...
I think you're handling this by wrtiitng int to us. I'm glad you dont' feel the need to hide and deal with thi all by yourself....I hope you never will. That's what were here for...ewach other!
Please come back tot he baords when you can and lean on us...
With love and prayers,
Ruchie
-------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie
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BL, that is so funny. You totally got the jist of my sit. I am so glad someone is laughing *with* me!
An APB. I'm still shaking my head.
~nelly~
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Oh my Nelly, that was quite a story!! I'm glad to hear both you and your mom are keeping a good sense of humor!!
My mom also has Lymes diease. And fibro AND IBS!! Her lymes is really bad. She had it a long time before she got a proper diagnosis and she can't take the anti-biotics for it. Its basically destroying her. She is one of the rare people that they can't "cure" it or even get it back into remission. How is your bf handling it? Is he taking any medications for it? I don't believe my mom has ever had days of throwing up like you mentioned bf did.
-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
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Hey Ruchie-- I appreciate the comfort. Thanks for being there for me, it means so much to me.
~nelly~
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Hey Michele,
My bf was diagnosed with Lyme in March 2000. I saw the red bullseye marks on his arm and legs and pleaded with him to go to the hospital. He said no, and he stayed flu-like sick in bed for 2 weeks before his parents finally called an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He spiked a 105 degree fever, and they packed him in ice his first night.
He was laid up in the hospital for 10 days, where they did a spinal tap and confirmed that it had spread to his spinal fluid. They counted 36 bullseye marks on his back, arms and legs, and the doctors concluded he must have had deer ticks all over him in his bedding. They'd never seen so many marks on a lyme sufferer.
He received 4 weeks of IV antibiotics (penicillin) through a catheter in his left arm (to keep the vein open). He had one bad remission in February of the following year, where the bulls-eye marks came back on his right arm and hand. He went through 3 weeks of Cipro orally for that bout.
It's something he'll have for life. His joints, especially his knees hurt in the mornings, and he'll be at risk for premature arthritis. Sometimes he just gets dead tired. Every 4-5 monhts or so, he'll have a bout of vomiting, and run a fever and turn grey and clammy. No explanation. Doc says that unless the bulls-eyes come back, they won't treat him with antibiotics.
In a twist, his mom got Lyme a few years later (they lived in a deer infested area) and they gave her injected antibiotics through her stomach lining. Part of her stomach had to eventually be removed because of the damage it caused. Guess Dbf got lucky they caught it in time to treat it.
I hope your mother is coping ok. That's quite a trifecta of ailments to be saddled with! All my best to her and to you--
~nelly~
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I am patient PRIME in the looney bin! Pleased to meet you! I'd shake your hand if it weren't for this silly streight-jacket!
Sigh. An APB, I know. Welcome to my life! UN-believable. You just gotta laaaaugh!
~nelly~
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Nelly
#115566 - 10/25/04 08:08 AM
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heather7476
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 2996
Loc: South East Michigan
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I didn't wan to say anything before because I wasn't sure if you would appercitate it. BUT I laughed so hard reading that story!!! I could just see it all in my head!! OMG girl I don't if I should hug you or buy you a drink!!!
-------------------- Heather7476
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It can be rather dabilitaing, I don't think a lot of people realize just how serious it can be if not treated early! Why are men so stubborn when it comes to going to the dr's??!! I'm glad you and his parents finally got him the help he needed. I can't believe he had so many bites!! He really is lucky to be doing as well as he is for being bitten so many times!
My mom had awful joints, especially her knees. She has large braces she wears on her legs for the bad days. Its really even a struggle to walk some days. She is too sick to have the knees replaced. She has been doing water therapy and that seems to help a little. Keep your bf active!!
How is your mom feeling today?
-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Nelly!
#115569 - 10/25/04 08:09 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Did I mention my mom is stubborn??? Difficult moms can be a challenge, I know you know!!?!
This was kinda my reality check-- my mom hasn't changed a bit, and she's still going to do mom things, cancer or no cancer.
~nelly~ wanted in seven states
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Re: Nelly
#115571 - 10/25/04 08:10 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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I'll take both, pls. I like my hugs warm and drinks cold.
~nelly~
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I'm worried to call my mom today, lest she run for the phone.
I'm sorry about your mom. I know how frustrating it is to get slowed down. The pain is no help either. But water exercise it THE BEST. All docs recommend it for back pain, musculer problems and general exercise. I used to coach swim team in my earlier days, and the shape people can get into is unbelievable!
~nelly~
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These things are *never* convienient, I'll say that much!! Thanks for the virtual shoulder, I appreciate it!!
~nelly~
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I think I get the sense of humor from my mother's side. Not cos I've inherited it, mind you. I've had to develop it as a coping mechanism!!! Less messy than burying bodies and cheaper than therapy, I say.
I'm so glad I can share! I need to know SOMEBODY finds this funny. *shaking head*
~nelly~
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Re: LOL Nelly!!
#115584 - 10/25/04 08:32 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Hey Sinead!!
Don't feel guilty for laughing, it really is so rediculous, I can't help laughing myself. It soo helps to know you guys see the humor in it too!! Otherwise it's just me!!
I think it's in the mother's gene to make everything as complicated as possible, then to mess it up further by trying to be "helpful." As LauraSue says, "If it's not one thing, it's your mother."
So sorry you have to attend a funeral today. On your day off too to boot, bummer. Think of my police story and smile on the inside. I reccommend the story as an icebreaker at the wake.
I'm wishing you all my best--
~nelly~
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