consoling myself with the cheesecake brownies ...
#100688 - 08/23/04 03:56 PM
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I know it's been a while since I started a thread but I just need to whine. I am in the middle of the awful interview process to try to secure a summer associate position at a law firm for next summer. It's hell. I had 3 interviews last week, two more coming up this week. I've gotten responses from the first 2 interviews and they were both rejections. I know the firms are really selective, and I know that there are a million firms in NYC and that I'm bound to get hired by someone, but this just sucks. And of course every time I think about it, it's straight to the john for me. No D so far, but lots of urgency and not quite normal BMs, if you know what I mean. At least no pain so far. I'm trying to relax by crocheting and cooking (ie, the chocolate cheesecake brownies, Heather's recipe), but you know, I just have that awful lump in my throat. The long-distance bf gave me a tired "sorry babe" over the phone, and then said something male like, "it's good for you to face your fear of rejection. I think this is going to be good for you." UGH!!! Just say that you're sorry adn that you love me! What is with men and trying to point out the non-existent bright side? It just makes me feel stupid for getting upset -- like it minimizes the fact that job interviews and rejections are totally horrible and stressful. If he were here, if he lived here, he wouldn't have to come up with anything clever to say. He could just give me a hug and try to make me laugh. I am getting so lonely now that I am back in NYC, seeing all my siblings with their spouses, seeing all my friends with their boyfriends ... I just want a partner. I am getting so sick of doing everything on my own. I know I've already lived here for a year by myself, and I know that with my friends and family I am not really "alone," but we all know there is a difference. We all got together at my brother's place yesterday, and when it was time to go home, he and his wife went to bed in their house, my other brother and his wife went home to their house together, my parents went home together, and I rode back to the city alone. Enough of this already. I'm sorry to be whining so much but i just need to let it out. I know he is working hard over there and I know it is best for his career, and I know he is trying to build a future for us, for a life together .... I keep telling myself that a couple more years is no big deal if we are really going to spend the rest of our lives together, but at the same time there is no ring on my finger so I still can't convince myself. I feel like I'm only happy now when I'm with my family or at church. My other friends just aren't cutting it anymore. The BF is going to be in NYC this weekend, before going to LA for a wedding, and I really miss him so I'm excited about that, but it also makes me nervous because I don't know when we'll see each other again after that. Booooooooo.
Ok time for the brownies. Please leave a little love, just don't tell me "it's not so bad ...."
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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So how's that baby blanket coming along?
Panda, you've got a lot on your plate right now. Looking for a job is tough enough -- but looking for an ASSOCIATE position is DAMN DIFFICULT! Law firms are mean. Oy.
However, don't let the bastards wear ya down. Keep at it -- you'll find a good one.
As for the BF -- yeah, men tend to be that way. "Bury your head in the sand and everything will all go away." "Whatever it is, make light of it, and be happy."
Hogwash.
If you're like me, wallow in it -- dive into those cheesecake brownies. And whine all you want. You'll feel SOOOOO much better! Men just don't get it. Never will.
{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi Panda,
I'm sending you some hugs to help you through the tough time you are going through. Yeah, men just don't get it sometimes, huh? Don't they know that we want to hear a little sympathy and compassion once in a while. We can't always be strong. 
I'm wishing you the best of luck on your job hunt. I know it can be very frustrating. Just hang in there and I'm sure you will come through it OK. It is good that you have your family there for support.
Now, you just go in there and enjoy those brownies....boy, sure wish I had one. AND...don't ever hesitate to whine, it's one of the things I do best...according to my hubby! 
Barbie
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It SUCKS having a long distance boyfriend. When I was dating my husband the first two years he was in t the navy I was finishing high school. We never got to see each other. I always felt like a third wheel when ever I went out with friends and their boyfriends. You are part of a couple, but your not at the same time. Honey I feel for ya. All I can say is you need to decide if you love him enough to stick it out. If not then that is ok. I wish I could give you better advice but there are no easy answer's to long disstance love. I would write mt DH tons of letters. I would also sleep with his shirt every night.
All I can say about the job search is you will get the one that is right for you. Just keep trying. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Heather7476
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Thanks Heather. To be honest, it hasn't even crossed my mind to consider if I "love him enough to stick it out." Of course I do. The only question is how to do it without losing my mind!
Really he's one in a million, and I only get frustrated when he just can't seem to reach through the phone and make me feel better. Most of the time he's the greatest, so it looks like I'm in this for the long haul!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Thanks, Barbie. You are always so understanding. I think what I really want is for someone to repeat back to me, "Yes it sucks that you are having a tough time with the interviews." I think you know what I mean.
As far as whining -- I perfected the skill growing up as the youngest of 3, and the only girl. I am a pro, thinking about teaching lessons. If my major complaint is that the boy isn't good at consoling me, his is definitely that I whine too much!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Hey Fairy Godmother,
Thanks for the encouragement. The blanket is coming along great. I decided to revive my old interest in crocheting and give knitting a rest for a while. I'm going to try to post a picture but who knows. It's a sea-foam green (seems to me she'll have enough pink) hooded afghan. I'm making the blanket part first, then I have to make the hood and attach it. It was pretty frustrating to learn all these complicated double crochet thingies, but my mom and my grandmother helped me out.
As for this law firm crap -- I guess with your experience you definitely understand. It's just so frustrating because my school has a hand in setting up the interviews, and there is a lottery element to it that basically forces the firms to interview students they would normally not consider. Seems like a nice idea but really it just sets us up for disappointment and wastes everyone's time because you know these firms are not going to hire a student that they didn't want to interview in the first place. Anyway I'm not taking these rejections as a personal judgment or anything -- I understand that they have incredibly high standards -- I guess I'm just annoyed with myself for allowing my hopes to go up. Anyway we'll see. I had one very good interview -- he told me twice that I was well spoken, and said I was a great interview -- and I haven't heard back from them yet so we'll see. Plus I have two more interviews, starting tomorrow. The one tomorrow is actually for a firm's London office, so we'll see if anything comes of that. Don't worry, I'm not permanently moving out of the country without something carbon-based on my fourth digit, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the love, as always.
Oh, here's a pic of the blanket, hopefully:
-- Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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*HUGS* I completely understand the long distance stuff. My boyfriend has been in Turkey for almost a year now, we'd only been dating for 4 months when he left. And since my best friend's girlfriend moved in with him, it really gets to me if I hang out with both of them, because I have one, but he's not here. Yay for comfort stuff! Mine's reading or going for a walk to clear my head, and then coming home and cooking (except with people moving in and out of my apartment right now, the kitchen is in shambles). Anyway, I'm rambling, but I just wanted to send you *hugs* and let you know you're not the only one who's going through the whole long distance thing
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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Thanks for the hugs. I'm sorry you're going through the same thing but at least I know I'm not the only one. My favorite thing is when people (like my friend's dad) ask me, "Can't you find anyone closer?"
By the way, can you tell me if my image showed up in my response to Bevrs? I can see it from here, but I don't know if everyone else can see it -- and I see you are still online so I thought I'd ask. Thanks!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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I am glad you love him enough to stick it out, and your relationship will be stronger for it trust me. I hope I didn't offend you hon  . I just wanted to say however you felt those feelings are normal. I going to shut up now before I stick my foot in mouth again. Sorry
Good luck to you both
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Heather7476
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