Facing up to it
#8563 - 05/08/03 04:09 AM
|
|
|
|
ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
|
|
|
This is not completely IBS related and I won't go into my big long history, but I feel that if I am going to continue to be an active participant here with you all that I need to be honest about where I am. Brief backstory - I've had alternating IBS C/D since young teen, with lots of pain. Since moving here last summer and having baby #3 in less than 4 years, the stress around all that exacerbated things I think and not only made IBS C much worse but also landed me with a very painful case of gastritis. I don't believe stress completely caused it, I'm told there are very real biological factors there, too, but in some ways I still think I "did it to myself" by getting so worked up about everything I was expected to accomplish, and by the pressure I put on myself to do it all completely without help and perfectly, with no problems. Pretty dumb thinking, but I didn't know a soul here and spend most days 12+ hours a day alone with the kids... not complaining, just saying I kept telling myself, "What's the big deal Michelle? You can handle this, you have to handle this, so quit your whining and get to it".
Well, that part of the post got long, sorry! Anyway... point is all that pain I was going through led to me hardly eating at all, and losing a quick 15 pounds. I got Heather's book and was able to eat a little better without such pain, and got the scopes done which helped pinpoint the source of my problems. The doctor gave me aciphex for the stomach which is great stuff, it's helping tremendously, the other meds he gave me for the IBS type stuff have been no good, just dropped those all together.
But here's the problem. I started losing weight from a very valid, realy, biogical problem that I was trying my best to remedy, but still the weight came off. Well, if I'm honest I have to admit that seeing it come off was pretty exciting after spending most of the last 4 years of my life pregnant!! Being thin again looked pretty good. So the point is once those biological problems were "fixed" or at least greatly improved, I didn't want to stop losing weight. Then it was like I couldnt' stop. The scale and the calorie counter in my brain began to control me, till I was allowing myself less and less each day and exercising more and more. I'm sharing this now because I finally talked to my doctor yesterday. We see a family doctor, so I was in there for one of the kids and he asked me how my stomach issues were, and then came right out and asked about my weight and why was it that every time he saw me I was thinner. I became defensive and evaded his questions. That night I felt guilty, because I've been praying for the Lord to help me when some days I feel like I can't help myself at all. And it was like He was telling me that Dr. Risley's concern was part of His answer to help me. So I went back yesterday and talked more openly with him. He showed me in the medical journal how underweight I am and explained the medical ramifications that can come from that. We, together, reached a reasonable goal weight for me to achieve, and he wants to see me back in 2 months. I have not agreed to therapy yet, I've got Eric and Mom (mother in law/friend) to talk to and am not willing yet to go to a stranger with this, I hope I'm not so far gone as to need that but I guess if I do then I will.
Well, that's where I am. That is why I tell you all, if you feel like you can't eat anything at all, EAT SOMETHING - read Heather's suggestions and just eat those safe things if you have to but EAT. This is such a gripping thing, you don't want to set your foot on a path that is hard to get back off of.
I will continue to be here and hope to offer others encouragement and ideas as I can, and will share updates as I have them. Can't share updates on the weight gain "assignment" because Eric took the scale away - good move on his part, I guess. 
Love to you all, thanks for listening if you read this whole thing,
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE (((((hugs)))) You are brave for being able to admit to this...and you WILL conquer it! You have a GREAT attitiude!
I am having a hard time eating also. and being so bloated for so long with whatever it is I have--I'd be THRILLED to look normal and feel attractive again...so I can see myself where you are.
YOU CAN FIGHT THIS--AND WIN! And you will! I believe that you will--and I'm sure everyone else on this board does too (and your husband, and MOM). 
You are an AMAZING person--and a wonderful mother/wife! You love everyone so much you want to do everything yourself! BUT--that's not your job. In order to truly take care of others--we must FIRST take care of ourselves! And you deserve this! Maybe you feel like you're a better person if you can do it all yourself (I know I've felt this way!)? We're better people if we can admit we CAN'T do it all ourselves--and it will be better for our families as well (it's a beautiful thing when children see mom and dad working as a team together)!
We love you Michelle! Feel better--and remember to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF--that is the best gift you can GIVE!!!!
((((HUGE HUGS))))
Ruchie
--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi Michelle,
I agree with Ruchie, you have to take care of YOURSELF first and then everything will follow. You have to be happy and content for your family to be happy and content.
I also agree that you are already doing well since you are confronting things head on and you are open to the confrontation. Keep doing it and accept the help of the doctor that spoke to you.
As far as eating, can you try to get at least some supplements into your system in addition to anything that you can eat (have some white bread dipped in a good extra virgin olive oil, italians have been doing that forever). Have you looked for liquid vitamin supplements? Maybe your doctor/nutritionist can give you some supplements via injection. Anything to keep your immune system strong will help. My best to you.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
You are incredibly brave to admit this to a bunch of "strangers". I admire you for your bravery. To conquer your problem is to admit you have a problem.
I understand how you could get to the point where you stopped eating quite a bit because you were scared of getting sick. And then as a "perk" you were able to lose weight.
I struggle with my weight too. I was always "underweight" in elementary/high school and then as soon as I graduated I worked two jobs and only had time to eat fast food. Then the weight started to pile on.
The greatest part about Heather's diet is that it gives me a great guideline on how to eat healthy.
I think you are a wonderful person. Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone has a tough time in their lives every now and then. You are doing excellent to admit you have to help yourself.
My thoughts are with you. We are all here for you.
--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
To lighten the mood here, I just realized what a dumb username I have! It's just our email address, our initials. Should I change it to something catchy or leave it alone so not to confuse everybody? 
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I LOVE your username...I know it's you when I see it which always makes me  I say keep it ((I think it's VERY cool)! 
--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie
Edited by Ruchie (05/08/03 07:41 AM)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
ecm,
You are brave to discuss all this with us. Good for you! I hope we can help.
Last week, you posted a link to an article on perfectionism. I know some people get defensive, or keep a closed mind when they see something with the word "God" in it, or a biblical reference. I am not a believer in organized religion myself; however, I'm not against it either. But when I read that article, sifting out the biblical references, I "got it." They were right on about so many things that I was embarrassed. I think you got it, too. Perfectionism is not a virtue. Self-acceptance is. As Jamie Lee Curtis recently said, people don't love you because you have a professionally-trained body courtesy of Bally's gym, or your teeth are straight, or your skin is flawless. People love you because you have a good attitude, you take charge of your life & make things happen, you love them (how can you love others when you don't love yourself?), and you can see the humor in life.
It's going to be a hard habit for me to break, being a perfectionist from a long line of perfectionists, but I thought hard about it over the weekend, and I'm ready to try to let go of that.
I don't mean I'm going to stop taking a shower every day, but no more volunteering for every single committee & cause. And I'm going to try to stop thinking so much about my weight.
I'm glad you listened to your heart about talking to the doctor. Your kids need a healthy mom. It's so easy to get bogged down in our illness, but I always try to unbog myself before I turn into a grumpy old witch.
Here's a (hug) and a pat on the shoulder for support. Good luck in your struggle.
sperry_twiggins
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle - Bravo for taking a step in the right direction! That's fantastic! Good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Although olive oil is a healthy oil which we need, IBSers need to watch how much oil/fat they do eat at time. I don't know if dipping bread in oil is such a good idea. The bowels don't care if it's a good or a bad fat, they'll respond the same either way!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thank you so much for sharing what's going on in your life. I hope that you are feeling much better soon - and you should be so proud of yourself for the courage it took to step forward and get help.
I'll be thinking of you...
xxoo
Heather
--------------------
Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I read your post with trepidation because I think my problem is similar. Only diff is, I can afford to lose extra weight since I was over 300 when I first adopted the IBS eating plan combined with exercise.
Before I found Heather's book, I suspected but did not KNOW that what I was eating was giving me the severe IBS-D attacks I'd had all my life, since age 16. I kept trying to figure out what if anything, I ate was doing it.
But when I got heather's book, it all came together in my mind. Thing is, now I have a genuine fear of food. Since almost anything at the wrong time can trigger IBS, I developed a fear of food, often convincing myself I am not hungry or dont need to eat. My personal trainer ordered me to set a timer and eat what he tells me to, at the time the ringer goes off. That's how bad it is for me. He told me to make a list of the safest IBS foods, and eat only those until I can feel safe with other stuff.
I wish you the best, because I know just what you're going through ((((HUGS!))))
Anita
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle, i know how it feels with the unwanted weight loss thing. I went from 114 to 100 to 90 in january.It was so upsetting because alot of people passed my ibs off as me being anorexic!! It was hard, and i hate to make my family be dissapointed in me cause i lost so much weight. THank God, I straightened myself out and i now weigh 107. Im still going strong! Never give up hope!!
--------------------
-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Dear Michelle,
"but in some ways I still think I "did it to myself" by getting so worked up about everything I was expected to accomplish, and by the pressure I put on myself to do it all completely without help and perfectly, with no problems".
I feel like learning this sentence off by heart, it describes in such perfect words how it all started for me, too. Why do so many women get caught in this same old trap?? Why do we always have to MOVE around when we have little children, leaving our infrastructure behind? And why do we behave as if coping with little babies all on our own and without any hickups is the normal thing to be expected?? This is exactly how my IBS got started (in the US actually), I've only got two kids but once they were bigger I got myself into the next trap, trying to be a successful WORKING mom....
I can relate to the weight issue - I'm shocked sometimes when I realise that, secretly, I appreciate my thin, transparent looks, even though I know that I should definitely put on a few pounds. But thank God I'm past the 'fear of food' stage, and I got to the point where I absolutely HATED the feeling of wasting away, and I do cling to my safe foods and eat all the time even if it's only rice cakes most of the time....
I'd like to reassure you, I've got anorexic people in my family (one has actually died of it), and the one, terrible, thing about them is that they can NEVER admit their problem to themselves. So, you might have looked into the abism there but you've stepped back from it and you're already on the way of getting better! I'm absolutely sure of it!
Susaloh
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Wow, Michelle, you have so much to be proud of!! The baby-toddler years ARE hard, as is moving. To do both is very stressful and to have the gastro problems on top of it - again, wow! It seems like we've all identified a common psychological bond as an IBS group which is that perfectionist tendency. I imagine you have done everything beautifully - give yourself a pat on the back!
As for the (near?) eating disorder, it sounds like you have been honest with yourself and your doctor before it got too far as a behavioral habit that you can't undo. Take it a day (a meal, if necessary) at a time and you'll get there. Your faith, family, and friends (including us!) will help. Hang in there and thanks for the courage you showed in being so forthcoming.
God bless, Andie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle,
Well done for seeking help, that's usually the hardest part. I can relate to you a little. I also lost a lot of weight because of this IBS and in one way I have to admit I enjoyed it even though I knew I was underweight. It just felt good to at least be nice and thin when every other part of me was uncomfotable and painful. It was the one thing I could be happy about I guess.
Unfortunately I believe it made my infertility problems worse. I have put some weight back on now and am a lot healthier looking I believe. Sometimes I get annoyed because the "thin" clothes I had bought are now getting too tight but I know it's better for me.
Anyway, good luck and I'll be thinking of you!
Kerrie
--------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
hi; BOY!! I WISH I COULD LOSE SOME WEIGHT. MINE SEEMS TO STAY THE SAME!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle,
You brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for being honest with yourself and the board and your Doctor. You won't regret it and it is a hard cycle to break. Sounds like you have yourself a good support system and that is great!! Big cheers to your Husband for taking that scale away!! 
Having three kids in less than four years is hard work and to be in a new place doesn't make it easier. I was there four years ago with a baby, 1 1/2 year old and three year old. We moved to Austin, TX for three years and our family was all in WI. I understand it feels really lonely. Look for a local MOP'S (mothers of preschoolers) in your area. You can find a location by going to MOPS.org. It was a lifesaver for me in TX. The group is probably finishing up, but ask them if they have play groups you can get involved in for the summer. You need adult time with other moms. Also if you can find a babysitter through your church have a sitter come one day a week for a morning or afternoon so you can get away for time just for you.
Hope this helps. Hugs to you and I will keep praying for you.
Barbara
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
