Bad misunderstanding!!
#81988 - 06/22/04 01:09 PM
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fishnets
Reged: 10/09/03
Posts: 515
Loc: MA
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This is bothering me SO much: Let me just start off by saying my dad doesn't know I have IBS, I felt too embarrised to tell him because I already have other digestive problems, I didn't want him to think I'm a freak. So the other day he saw a bottle of Benefiber on my night table and got all bent out of shape, asking me why I need fiber, saying that anorexics take laxatives and fiber is a laxative  I tried to explain that fiber is NOT a laxative, but he wouldn't believe me. I ended up saying it was my boyfriend's fiber (he actually does take fiber anyway, so it could have been his!). A couple days later he saw that awhile ago I had bought sweetener with added fiber, and he interogated me again! Since then he keeps having talks with me and even looked through my room the other day while was in the shower! Mind you, I'm almost 25 years old. He got even more upset cause he found prescriptions of Miralax. So now he thinks I'm a lax addict, great. Has anyone else ever got accused of having an eating disorder instead of IBS???
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IBS-C
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LOL! My parents came home to a house that smelled of smoke (despite my frantic attempt to Lysol everything and fan the smell out the window when their car pulled up). They sat down with me and had "the talk" about how dangerous it was to play with matches. I just listened, profusely apologized, and promised I'd never do it again.
I was fifteen and had just burned an "unsatisfactory notice" sent by my Spanish teacher! 
On a heavier note, why not be honest with your dad? That's better than him sending you to involuntary rehab!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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I hate the eating disorder accusations - yes, I do get them! "What do you eat?!" "Mindy doesn't eat anything!" I hear it all the time! I have to be picky and eat in small doses or my tummy gets unhappy with me. What lots of people don't notice is that throughout the day, I probably eat more than alot of them do. I'm little, and I have lost a good amount of weight since I got sick with IBS, but I've honestly tried to gain it back. I know some people will think it could never be a bad thing to hear people say you're skinny - but people do make fun of me for being skinny all the time - especially at social eating type things. I hate those situations! Before my first bad bout with IBS last summer I weighed about 140 (I'm 5'7). In two months of horrible D attacks I dropped to 115 before I got myself stable. I now weigh between 120 and 124 depending weather it's a D or a C day. I think I'm not doing so bad since I have gained back some of the weight. But yes, I do hear annerexia accusations from time to time, sometimes even from freinds and that's even harder. My husband, and freinds who know me better and know about my IBS are usually more understanding though, and that helps.
I will say that I agree that you should try to talk with your dad. I know some people are hard to talk to about illness though. Is there anyone that is close to both of you that could talk to him for you? A sibling or your mom? Just a thought. I know it's hard when family doesn't understand. Hope the fiber is working anyways! 
Best,
Min
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It appears from your post that you are still living at home? I have a problem trying to keep things from my mom and I live 40 minutes away! The easiest time I had was when I lived in another state  I guess I would try and be as honest with your Dad about your problems without loosing your privacy, which is a tricky thing, because if he is paying the doctor bills he may feel it is his right to know your medical business. On the other hand he must care for you to be concerned that you may have an eating disorder, when we know it is IBS. Not too many other Dad's would ask. Hope this helped!
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IBS-D
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Yes, this is an ongoing problem for me too, Fishnets. We are in freakishly similar situations, except you're older than me (and you probably don't live with your parents). Anyway, I think I've read a post by you where you said a (i dont know if it was mild or serious) eating disorder MAY have been the cause of the IBS.
Well, I have the same symptoms as you, and they all started when I developed a mild eating disorder. Last year when I went away to college the eating thing started and then my IBS symptoms soon followed so needless to say I knew I couldn't keep doing what I was doing to myself.
Now I am feeling better (mentally) and am not focused 24/7 on food (although sometimes I guess I am now, but for IBS reasons!); not so much physically though (with the IBS) BUT THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE.
I mean on one hand, I get that when I don't want to eat certain things or have small portions they are suspicious BECAUSE of my past troubles BUT I am the only one who truly knows that its because of the IBS problems, NOT because I am still having eating disorder troubles.However because they know about it, it only makes them MORE suspicious/curious/whatever and not very understanding. I really haven't figured out how best to cope with it yet, but I'm trying too....
I didn't even tell my parents about the fiber because a) i don't want them to think its for anything other than this wonderful C, and IBS and b) i feel like i am old enough to take care of myself in that way - my stomach is not their business (I am almost 19, after all).
Sorry I couldn't be of much help, I just wanted to share I am going through the same thing.
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Quote:
On the other hand he must care for you to be concerned that you may have an eating disorder, when we know it is IBS. Not too many other Dad's would ask.
Thats a good point Heather, at least you knows he truly does care about ya fishnets!
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At least my parents know that I do have IBS - my doctor has made that clear...BUT they still don't understand anything much beyond that! *sigh* And needless to say its not the most pleasant topic to discuss with those who are so-called normal, never experiencing the bowel probs. we have. 
Nevertheless, tell him you have it. If he wants to know more he can look it up without having to go into it in detail!
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oy.
#82028 - 06/22/04 02:26 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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unfortunately, i don't understand. i mean, intellectually i understand what you've said, but i can't put myself in your shoes because i haven't "been there."
i am not sure why you can't tell your dad, but i think it's probably getting to be time that you did so you can clear this misunderstanding up. i mean, can you tell him?
i have been known on many occasions to give people something to read, especially if i think they are going to be disbelieving or volatile about it. Heather's books (or copies from them or this site) would be an excellent place to start, of course.
in fact, if you feel like it would work (again, not knowing your situation exactly) you could have him read something and put a little note at the end (or tuck it in the book) that explains why you're embarrassed or feeling awkward about talking to him about it.
sometimes it helps to say what you need to say exactly the way you want/need to by writing it down or giving something someone else has written. and it also helps the other person have some time to "take it in" and think about his (or her) feelings about it and how they intend to respond.
hope this helps...
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Fishnets,
I'm so sorry if my reply was insensitive. Looking at the other responses you've gotten, I feel like I took the situation far too lightly.
I still think you need to be honest with your dad, but I just want to apologize.
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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I don't have any advice beyond what everyone else has already said... I just wanted to say that YES, I've gotten those accusations before too, and it really does bug me. Any time I go through my "bad spells", where I really, literally, can't eat ANYTHING, people around me start asking me if I'm anorexic. Mind you, I don't look anorexic. I'm a reasonable weight for my height. But sometimes people assume things... and while I'm perfectly comfortable talking about bowel function with my poor boyfriend, I'd rather not discuss it with parents or most friends, either. For them, I usually just say that I have stomach problems and leave it at that... hey, I've explained myself, they can assume whatever they like.
Slightly off topic, the best comment ever, though, was the incredibly sensitive (note the sarcasm) former coworker who asked me if I was "dying of something". Just like that! Gee, thanks!
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