Need Help - How to cope with missing work and other obligations
#49416 - 03/10/04 11:59 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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I'm just hoping to vent a bit here and get some suggestions and/or encouragement. I'm really frustrated because I find due to the IBS I have to miss a fair bit of work (nothing extreme but more than the average person) and it's really hard to get my employer to understand. I mean, when most doctors don't even take your symptoms all that seriously, how can you get your employer to? I'm just really stressed out because if I'm having a really bad attack, the pain is sometimes too severe to go to work, and/or even if I could I've usually got such bad D that I can't leave the house anyways  I worry that my job could be in jeopardy...I had about nine sick days last year and they said that was way too many. So, I'm looking for any other suggestions or thoughts....do most of the people on the board find it easy to maintain working full-time hours despite their symptoms? Do other people feel guilty about having to miss work when they're really bad?
Thanks!
Kelly
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I sympathise... my boss is great, but even you I got handed the office regulations on sick leave recently. Check what your contract says and if your company has proper regulations on it. What's the status of disability discrimation laws where you are? - you might want to check up - I have a feeling that chronic illnesses can fall under their jurisdiction.
Good luck!
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Sick days!
#49451 - 03/11/04 05:53 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I missed A LOT of time last year from the IBS and then the resultant exhaustion. Terrible. And I'm not lazy or a slacker. I hate missing work, but when you gotta, you gotta.
I actually have had a huge fight with this issue myself. We have FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) leave at my job, and that requires a lot of paperwork. But I (finally!) got my Doc to fill out the papers to the review boards satisfaction. Now I've got approval for intermittent leave for the IBS. Hopefully I won't need it nearly as much as I did last year.... (Yikes, if I do, something is really wrong!)
Check into the leave and policies at your job, as Linz suggested. If they don't have something, they probably should, though if I'm remembering correctly some laws may not apply to smaller businesses.... Hmm... Well, anway, maybe you could contact whomever handles HR?
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Hey there!! I know exactly where you're coming from!! It's very difficult to make your boss understand how debilitating this condition can really be when most doctors won't even recognize it!!
I am entitled to 10 paid sick days every year that I work. I've had 3 sick days in the past 6 1/2 months which isn't too bad considering what I'm entitled, however, I totally understand where how you feel guilty. I feel the same way!! I feel like my boss might think I'm faking it or something!! Most of the time I go to work and suffer through the pain and inconvenience of running back and forth to the washroom. On the days where I have such bad D that I can't leave the house...I don't force myself...it'll only make it worse. Your health is #1...you are no good to any employer if your health is not good.
These others have also given you good advice...you should try and find out what the policies are in your company for someone with a chronic illness.
Good luck and keep us posted!!
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If you don't mind me asking Vicam, what type of job do you do?
With my job there was no way I could work with even the occasional bout of 'D', so for me taking sick leave was a good option. It gave me some time to try different foods and get myself stabilized without the stress of having to rush of to work but be sick there. Now I'm back at work and getting back into the normal routine again has been a bit of a challenge, but I'm glad I took that time off.
The other thought I had is have you had a talk with your boss? Although it's true he/she doesn't need to know all the fun details of your condition, depending on who they are, it might help if they know more about what you're going through.
Good Luck
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What a great question to ask everyone! I wondered about it too. Most days I go to work when I feel terrible and take as much Pepto Bismol as I need (usually just one dose) so I don't have to run to the bathroom. But I misssed 9 days last year and 13 the year before that. I have already missed 2 1/2 days since January 1st and force myself to come into work. If I called in sick everytime I feel like crap, I'd have taken the past 2 months off. 
My boss doesn't know what I have and I don't want to bring it up unless I have to. She knows that I have a very sensitive stomach and get a lot of the "stomach flu". Maybe she's figured it out, who knows?
I could one day lose my job if I started missing way more days. We have a limit of 12 days now. But they give you warnings before anything is done. I do worry about it as I'm still young and have another 30 or so years of working before retirement. 
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I worked with IBS for about 10 yrs. I missed many days and always worried about losing my job too and then that worrying just made it worse so it's a vicous circle. I ended up losing a few to downsizing instead (and that stress added to and probably caused my IBS in the first place). Also wasn't getting much support at home which caused even more stress. I know how you don't really want to get into a discussion with your job either about what you have as it is embarrassing. I'd find when I had attacks I'd go to another floor to go in and stink up the bathroom where people didn't know my shoes under the stall!!! The things we have to go through. And of course I was supposed to be at my desk answering the phones and then dissappear. Luckily I wasn't fired. A dream job would be to work at home. I was lucky enough finally to retire early.
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It's so funny that you should bring this up today. (not that it's funny at all, but you know what I mean...)
Yesterday was horrific- I think I spent more time in the bathroom than I did at my desk. I was just so frustrated because I knew that if I went home sick, with all the sick days I've had so far this year, that someone would say something. It just seemed so unfair that I had to sit through all that and then to work well and pretend like all was hunkey dorey too. I was at the end of my rope. Talk about stress- this is one of my major stressors. I actually like to work and like my job, but hate having to be accountable when I need to run home for a couple of hours when I'm feeling crappy (pun intended  )
I think the idea of the Family Medical Leave is a good one- if IBS is not now, I think in the near future, it's gonna have to be taken more seriously. Don't they say it's the second most common reason people miss work?
I guess it all boils down to the people you work with and how understanding your boss/bosses are. Most people don't want to know the details, but without some inkling of what's happening, they can't sympathize or understand. I have made my boss realizes that something is wacky with me, but haven't given him many details. I just try and do a damn good job when I'm here so that when I'm not, it sort of evens itself out.
Take comfort in the fact that we're all there feeling the same way and since we know all the details of your condition, we can lend you all our sympathy. And until we get our diets under control, we'll have to take it day to day. As the previous thread suggests, it's possible to be stable and live a normal life- WE CAN DO THIS!!
Take care, K
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Getting Stable
#49658 - 03/11/04 12:24 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Hi Kelly,
I know exactly what you're talking about. I am a D also, and my IBS got to the point where I could no longer work. I had to quit a REAL good job that I enjoyed very much -- I still miss it today.
My problem, though, really had everything to do with getting real about my IBS. I didn't want to accept the diagnosis, and I thought that I could get rid of the IBS when I got rid of the stress. I also thought that, if I did everything else right I could cheat by having my beloved cuppa joe every morning.
Well, I was just wrong in every aspect. Bear in mind that I was no longer working (e.g., supposedly no stress). Still my IBS got even WORSE, to the point where I could no longer leave the confines of this little condo. I couldn't even go for walks with hubby and my dog. Hubby had to do the grocery shopping. I was really house-bound!
Okay, I'm getting off on that tangent again ...
When I got real about my IBS, accepted it and dealt with it, stuck with the program RELIGIOUSLY, came on these boards and followed everyone's advice, did the hypnotherapy program, cut out the coffee cold turkey, began the probiotics and acacia, kept a food diary and recorded everything I ate and when I ate it, the reaction I got to each food, I began to get better.
Now (I'm on volume 6 so far), I'm stable and feeling very well. My poops are normal and very satisfying, thank you very much, and I'm a happy camper. I actually think I could return to work -- even full time! Can you believe it?!?
Did you get anything from that, or am I rambling again? 
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I tried some for a few days ago a few years ago and they really upset my tummy. Same with acidophillus. How many of you have taken probiotics and have you had problems with them or does it just take a few days to adjust? 
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I took them a couple of times and got extremely sick...it could have just been coincidence but I haven't taken them again since.
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For CrampGirl
#49712 - 03/11/04 01:10 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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It really depends on the kind you're taking; there's a big difference. I was lucky with the first kind I took; I never had a problem. However, there was a newbie here last week or the week before who was on a probiotic, and he complained of the same problem as you. When he switched to a different kind, his tummy problems disappeared.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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What kind are you taking?
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I also had a problem accepting that what I had was IBS and that there was no known cure. Just kept thinking the doctors were missing something and there was some bug or some problem that could fix everything. Even had a hysterectomy that I probably really didn't have to have, anything just to get rid of this pain. Now that I'm reading some real things about IBS and talking to other IBS sufferers it has made me face it. The very same foods, same symptoms, that is what it took, not a doctor. Thanks to all of you I'm going to deal with it and get better. 
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For CrampGirl
#49725 - 03/11/04 01:45 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Jarro-Dophilus EPS: web page Several of us here take Jarro. In fact, that's the kind the newbie tried after the first stuff upset his tummy, and the Jarro didn't bother him at all. I'm up to 2 capsules every midnight. And doin' quite well, I might add! 
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I hear ya...
#49810 - 03/11/04 05:32 PM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Kelly, I understand where you're coming from too. I'm actually a grad student now, but I'm so worried about what it's going to be like when I get a teaching job. Teaching isn't the kind of job where you can just run to the bathroom, since you can't leave about 20 elementary schoolers sitting in a classroom alone! Granted, I am mostly C, but I do A sometimes and on those off days I don't know how I could manage a classroom. I've just been praying about it a lot and trying the hypno tapes and yoga hoping that something will help me enough that I'll be able to manage. But this is such a frustrating condition sometimes.
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Yeah, I'm sure that chronic illnesses do fall under some sort of discrimation laws, but the problem is that a lot of people/places don't consider IBS to be a "real" problem. It's frustrating because it is very real, and something that can be very hard to work with, but not all people can understand that.
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Thanks Bevrs!
#49854 - 03/11/04 08:37 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Thanks for your information Bevrs, that's encouraging to hear that you feel that you would actually be able to go back to work now.
I hope that I too can get it under control, but I'm not sure if I can do that without being able to get some time off. I'm going through a few things right now, my Mom passed away not too long ago (three weeks after I'd left to go away to school) and I had to go on anti-depressants which I now trying desperately to get off of. Plus, I'm supposed to be scheduling surgery to have my endometriosis examined again and then the IBS too..it's very frustrating! So I can't afford to take time off work but at the same time, sometiems you can't afford to work if you know what I mean. So I'm trying to be really good about following the program and hopefully I'll get everything under control eventually!
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Yeah, I know what you mean...that's my problem at work. I work for a bank in a call centre doing telephone banking, so everything is timed down to the minute so if you have to run to the bathroom, there's a master computer timing how many extra washroom breaks you took, and then the next day, you get to explain yourself! (so much fun). It sucks because I love my job, but being tied to a phone like that with no flexbility in when to take breaks (they tell you when you can have your breaks) is probably not the best job for an IBS-er. I hope that things go well for you when you start teaching...I'm sure they will! At least if you were really bad you could probably grab a nearby teacher to watch the students or something 
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VICAM ALOT OF PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IBS DOES TO US ALL WHO HAVE IT. TO BAD WE COULDNT CAST A SPELL ON SOME PEOPLE. AND SHOW THEM WHEN THEY QUESTION US IBS SUFFERS. HOPE YOUR FEELING BETTER JASPER.
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ive had ibs for 8 years now. im learning alot on this web board. thanks again everyone
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If you need to talk to your boss, I'd take The First Year in with you and have it in your bag so you can whip up Heathers graphs and stats if he starts saying "but that's all the mind...". Luckily for me, my boss has never pulled this one, but even so, they're not exactly happy about me being off sick (someone has to cover my work every time I am!).
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