Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

My worst "D" story thankfully doesn't involve embarrassment, just a mess.

Hubby and I were in our rowing shell, rowing on the Petaluma River in Northern California. The river is a bird sanctuary all the way down to where it empties into the Bay, so there's nothing along the banks. We had gotten far down the river when my "D" attack hit me. I told hubby we had to immediately turn the boat around and head back, which we did, rowing as fast as we could, but there was no way we could get back in time.

There was a very small mini-island in the middle of the river, which I chose as my "bathroom." We rowed over to it, getting as close as we could. Bear in mind that a rowing shell is EXTREMELY unstable; its the sculls (oars), which extend out from the oarlocks quite a distance, that keep the boat from tipping over -- you are limited to how close you can get to the shore by the length of those sculls. The boat is also very fragile, the delicate decking made of only a very thin skin.

The sculls kept me quite a distance from the island, too far to just "step onto it." I very carefully straddled the boat while easing myself over the decking, pushing the boat out between my legs while desperately trying not to damage the thin skin of the decking. When I was free of the boat, I let myself into the cold river until I could feel the bottom. Unfortunately, the muddy river swallowed me up as I kept falling deeper into its unstable bottom. I could not make it to the island. I had to "drop trou" right there, up to my neck in mud, and "do my business." I will spare you all the details; suffice it to say WHAT A MESS!

I was able to climb back into the boat, very carefully, while transferring a river of mud with me, which got into the bottom of the boat, all around our seat and the tracks. When we arrived back at our dock, the rest of our rowing club saw all the mud and mess as we climbed out of the boat. As we pulled the shell out of the water and washed it off, we lied to everyone that we had tipped over in a shallow part of the river. We hosed each other off, dried the boat and ourselves off, hung our shell in the boathouse, drove home, and never mentioned it again.

Now, wherever we row, it's never far from shore where I make sure there's an outhouse nearby.

While there are obvious drawbacks of having "D," such as "rowing down the river," I still believe it's better than "C" -- because with "D" I "get it all out" (as it were).

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