Losing my patience and compassion
#329883 - 05/16/08 05:40 PM
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Candy2
Reged: 04/09/08
Posts: 164
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I have only had IBS for 4 months but I am getting pretty steamed about it. I am sooo sick of watching every morsel I put in my mouth when most folks who don't deserve their health don't have to do this.
I used to feel a lot of compassion for people but now find it very hard to do this. I am trying hard to not become bitter.
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I know it is very hard to get used to. I too get frustrated when I go to a business luncheon and literally cannot eat anything. However, if you want to feel better, volunteer to work with cancer patients or just in a hospital. While you may know lots of folks who are healthy there are an aweful lot who would be happy to deal with IBS instead of what they are dealing with. Hugs.
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IBS-D, Gas & Bloating
Barbara50
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Hi Barbara50,
I am very well aware that there are many others worse off than I am. However, it still bugs me that I had to have a special meal yesterday at our Red Hat tea. I had a grilled turkey sandwich while I watched everybody else chow down on desserts, sandwiches and scones.
I know so many nasty people who deserve IBS or much worse and yet I am the one who has to watch every morsel I put in my mouth. I know life is not fair but this is the way I feel.
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There is always someone who is worse off than you are. I think it's important to remember that to aid in perspective - as Barbara50 rightly points out - but I certainly understand that it might not make you feel less miserable on a day to day basis. So it's natural to be sad and angry and frustrated. But that bitterness - that'll do you in every time.
So a few thoughts...
First of all, you do not *have* to watch what you eat. You can eat what you want, take meds to help with your symptoms, and suffer whatever consequences you cannot medicate away. Seriously. It's very important to remember that because it means you get to choose which path to take. You're not forced into anything. Eating what you want won't kill you. It won't even make you sick in any organic, debilitating, or life-threatening sense. So you can choose to eat in a way that makes you feel better or you can choose not to. It really is up to you.
Second, you're darn lucky to have that choice. A heck of a lot of people in the world are sick and can't do one single thing about it.
Third, the food restrictions you're looking at are really pretty minor. One thing that helped me a lot when I first started down this road was having a friend who was a Type 1 diabetic. For 20 years she had had to think about every bite that went in her mouth. Her example was inspiring. And beyond that, I knew that if I ate off-program, I risked having to run for the bathroom. If she ate off-program, she risked far, far more than that.
Fourth, I don't believe any of us has the right to decide who "deserves" to be sick and who "deserves" to be well. I know I joke from time to time about wishing IBS on those who don't understand it but the simple truth is that I believe every single human being on the face of the earth deserves health. Period.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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Candy2,
It's normal for all of us to get frustrated, however, I also feel that no one deserves to have a health problem. On the days that I feel I am at my wit's end I try and change my thinking in this way. I look outside at the sunrise or sunset and am thankful I can see; I try to figure out what food I will eat that day and am thankful I can make it on my own and feed myself; I listen to the birds chirping and am thankful I can hear; and am especially thankful that I don't need someone to carry me to the toilet and wipe my butt. In other words, try to look at the glass half full instead of half empty.
Sharon
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Hi!
I, too, lose my patience from time to time. It seems the list of foods that do NOT aggravate my IBS grows smaller each day. As of today, I am having trouble with ALL proteins; I get so gassy and bound up that I want to scream. I spend a few days eating only soluble fibers and then, I try a little fish or chicken - white meat only and no skins - and my body goes crazy.
For the sake of living as "normal" a life as possible, I tend to push myself harder than I should to prove that I'm not a "weak sister" and that makes it all so very much worse. Add to it that I do not sleep well (I have sleep apnea and must wear a breathing headset every time I sleep), and we have all the ingredients necessary for a HUGE flare-up.
BUT, I am thankful for many things today. I have a loving husband who is kind and caring and empathetic. I am thankful that I am healthy and strong and excited by life. I want to be out LIVING and I will do what it takes to be the person I want to be - the person I am. I have other chronic ailments as well but I have never let anything stand in the way of living my life to the fullest.
Years ago, a friend told me this: In life, a person can either have results or he/she can have excuses. I can either choose to do the things I want to do and accomplish something (results) or I can keep making excuses for why I can't have what I want (excuses). I choose to have results. If I use my ailments as an excuse to stop living, I will die unfulfilled. Life is to be lived. And I'm living it to the fullest.
Regards,
Leslie Ann
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What an inspiring group of responses.
My IBS while most of the time is annoying is not debilitating most days, only those that are bad for me and I choose to wallow in my own self pity.
I am pending surgery for a growth found on my outer stomach- which all doctors SEEM to think is not related to IBS. It was only found because of the cat scans I had when I had my first acute attach and was hospitalized.
My mom who is 87 and lives alone is failing fast. She has fallen several times in the past month and my sister and I must make the most horrible choice of putting her in a nursing home.
I try every waking minute to remember all the blessings I have and not dwell on my adversities. It is hard, very hard.
For sure everyone with a physical problem needs to vent once in a while- I do.
So I say get it off your chest. I'll listen!
I can only tell you that to deal with all the things that are going on in my life I use meditation and pray a lot.
I try very hard not give in to negative thoughts.
Write me whenever you want.
Mare
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Mary Ann,
I know what you mean about trying to count your blessings every waking minute. I continually have to do that or I fall into negative thinking. When you don't feel good, it's so hard to focus on other things. I fortunately have a wonderful, loving, supportive husband who is truly my inspiration in believing that things will getter better. (I am daling with another chronic issue as well). Up until a couple of years ago I was hardworking, outgoing and active. I had major surgery in January and due to health issues could not return to my job of 20 years. I miss it and I miss the person I was before all of this IBS stuff. I do believe that falling into negativity makes it a lot worse in the big picture, but yes, I agee with you, it is very, very hard. I have just started the hypnotheraphy tapes....have you thought at all about trying them????
Sharon
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I have a Hypnotherapy tape called Heal your body by
Glenn Harrold.
I can't afford the one recommended on this site. I think it called 100 days or hours or something like that.
I find it very relaxing if anything. One does not know if Hypnotherapy tapes work right away. And I wanted to start with something simple.
If you have any recommendations I would appreciate it.
If I don't respond tonight I will tomorrow. I have had a very exhausting day with mom so I will sign off for now.
Thank you for the response.
Mare
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I just got the tapes myself have been using them only 15 days. Yes, they are a bit expensive, but I have spent so much money on other stuff related to IBS, so I figured might as well give it a shot. I do believe it does take time and for some it takes doing the tapes a 2nd and third round. Plus, you need to be faithful on a daily basis in listening to them. The last couple of weeks have been really, really rough so they do help me to focus elsewhere at least for a short time. With all the stuff going on with your mother, try to take some time for yourself each day.
Take care.
Sharon
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