Back after a long journey...
#307078 - 05/12/07 06:24 AM
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Draupadi
Reged: 07/16/05
Posts: 218
Loc: Santa Cruz, California
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Hey guys!
I'm posting here because this is where I've been most active on this site it the past. I haven't been here in quite a while...I spent the last six or seven months in and out of treatment for my eating disorder. I've gained about 30 lbs. during that time, and I'm now keeping my weight steady, and focusing on developing a healthy relationship with food. However, I'm still having a great deal of trouble with my IBS, gastritis and esophagitis, and I'm hoping that being a part of the community on this site again will help me to stabilize in that regard. I'm trying to kick laxatives and coffee, and it's extremely difficult, especially because of the body image issues I've been dealing with due to the weight gain, and the bloating. Thanks so much for providing a source of support for me during this very difficult transition time! I've missed the boards...it's good to be back!
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Julia
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I, too, have suffered from an ED for years. Was hospitalized a number of times. I know what it feels like to gain 30 pounds in one hospitalization stay. Very shocking once your out on your own. It will take a while, but eventually, you get more comfortable with your "new" body. Just keep trying to think of it as a "healthier" body...more capable of performing and being your "friend" rather than feeling heavy and viewing it as an enemy.
Very hard. ED are so difficult. Control your mind and play negative thoughts...twisting us up. ESPECIALLY when you suffer from IBS...with bloating and gas. This has been the most difficult thing for me to accept. It's hard to realize it is bloat and not fat. I am fighting this battle hourly.
You are not alone. Know that there are others of us struggling emotionally with these same demons. I have gained about 30 pounds too...and probably still need to gain more. It is so hard when I already feel bloated in my clothes from this IBS. I cry about it. I am tempted. But somehow, I have remained "stable" with my ED for over 2 years. At least in my actions. Now, my thinking has a long way to go with this one. I was used to having a flat tummy and having clothes fall off me. That made me feel safe. Now, I am barely able to keep my pants on long enough to get through work. I stare at my bloated belly and cry. I cry for the loss of time when I could have eaten anything I wanted.....but didn't because of the ED. Now, I can't because of the IBS.....and I am feeling so badly about my body. I know I am underweight...the scale doesn't lie. But I "feel" like my belly is growing throughout the day.
Keep posting.
Much love and hugs.  You're in a "club" that you don't really want to be in, aren't we?" Only someone who has had an ED can really understand.
BTW, did you know that laxatives cannot and do not stop the calories from being absorbed? That really helped me get off them. What was the point? They were like taking a placebo. Medically...they just dehydrate you....they do nothing to remove the calories.
Herbal tea has no calories....so it has taken the place of coffee for me. (A poor substitute for coffee though) 
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IBS-C with pain and bloat
Edited by Jordy (05/12/07 06:47 AM)
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How were you able to be in ED program and manage your IBS? When I was in the programs, they insisted that NO food was off limits and really pushed the fat to help me gain weight fast without a lot of food. They also insisted I eat cheese, yogurt, butter, real mayonnaise, meat, bacon, all fruits including the peels, buttered veggies, raw lettuce salads with high fat salad dressings (ouch),various desserts like pie and cakes and cookies, real eggs....the list goes on!
Plus, they had me eating a lot of food at one time, which is bad for IBS. My meals were at leaast 2600 calories plus snacks! They also took away all my supplements.
I also recommend that you please try to stay off the "Reporting in" board. It is not healthy for you and only "feeds" into maintaining an eating disorder lifestyle. Stay away from that board...and don't compare what others eat to what you have to eat. Plus, listing all your foods makes it seem like you ate all day long! Eat a meal, and then know you need to eat at least 2 more substantial meals!
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IBS-C with pain and bloat
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This is a great place for support. 
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Hello,
I am glad you are reaching out to others for support. I am relative new to the boards, but not new to IBS or ED. I have the ED under control, and I am pretty stable with the IBS. I totally understand and sympathize with you on the weight gain. It feels like you can see every gained ounce. I was anorexic/bulimic for years through high school and college (I am 40 now.) I developed IBS over the past 10 years, although I always had a sensitive tummy. The last couple years have been the worst.
I wonder if there could be a connection between ED and IBS??
One thing that might help with the body image issues is to get rid of any full-length mirrors. Give yourself some time to adjust without inspecting every detail. Also, get rid of your scale. Try to see yourself as a one-piece unit rather that focusing on the parts of your body that you don't like. Self acceptance of your body gets easier with age, although the fears are always there.
I hope you stay strong, and I hope you learn to love your body. Good luck!
MeiMei
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